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Friday, 20 April 2012

My Favorite Tool

Welcome to this months blog group blog posting!  Usually I hummmmmm and mmmmm and hmmmm about whether or not to join the months post...sometimes because I just don't "feel" the topic or sometimes because no matter how hard I try, I can't put together a blog based on the subject given to us.  Yes, each month we have totally free reign to adapt the topic as we see fit, but I can't always make magic!  Just sometimes......ha!  So this month, as soon as I read the topic....BAM!  I knew exactly what I was writing about. Like a bolt of lightning from the heavens...........the idea.  So, the topic is "My Favorite Tool" and now that I'm thinking about it....I could have chosen all sorts of different things...perhaps I have a plethora of favorite tools!  Wine openers, blow dryers, scissors, my iphone etc etc etc.......but this tool is special to a strange, messed up "I need my own sitcom" type way.  So here we go....drumroll favorite tool is.....dun dun ex Kevan.  Yup.  He's a total tool.  Urban dictionary defines "tool" as (many of things but this is my fav) such...

1.) A guy with a hugely over-inflated ego, who in an attempt to get un-due attention for himself, will act like a jackass, because, in his deluded state, he will think it's going to make him look cool, or make others want to be like him. The person may even insincerely apologize later on, but only in an attempt to get more attention, or to excuse his blatantly intentional, and unrepentantly tool-ish behaviour.

2.) Someone whose ego FAR exceeds his talent, intelligence, and likability. But, of course, he is clueless regarding that fact. He erroneously thinks he is THE MAN!

3.) Someone who others normally refer to as a prick, dick, or schmuck.

4.) Someone who acts like a dick, because...well...he's compensating.

5.) Kanye West

Now....okay.....this is all coming off very mean....and really, number 3,4 and 5 (obviously) don't apply to him. And here's the thing, he's MY ex, and we are the best of friends and share a child together.  He sleeps over on Christmas eve, is invited to every family event/birthday/holiday, phones us first to borrow money and the list goes on.  And honestly, if anyone else ever were to call him a tool, I'd be the first person to get my hackles up and fight them in his defence.  But, after our history, I am allowed to call him that.  It's like, when you live with a gay guy (been there) and he says "okay, you can call us fags now" cause you're like "in the club" by association.  It's my ex, and I can call him a tool.  I'm sooo not an ex basher, and anyone who reads my blog knows this because they're all sitting there right now scratching their heads saying "wait, there's an ex who's a tool?  Why isn't this a constant topic of blogging?!?!" and honestly, any bashing I do, I do it straight to his face.  But seriously, sometimes.....he is just really a complete tool.  I mean, yeah, there's reasons why he's my ex!  And because share a child....I'm kinda stuck with him.  But thankfully, we get along well enough, and are friends enough to do so in an amazingly dysfunctional, yet completely functional kind of way like....90% of the time.  The other 10% I want to either hit him with my car, or punch him in the face with a brick....why?  Because.  He's a tool.  Weren't you paying attention?  Sheesh. 

PS - Kev, if you're reading this....there's a compliment in here somewhere.....I'll give you 10 seconds to find it before I refuse to speak of it again.  Oh, and the fact that on all the child support money bank transfers you put "boob job" in the memo line just kinda helps prove my point here.  Also....remember that time you burnt my dresser and all my books? 

OH AND please check out the other members of our blog groups blog....a few new people on there this month!!

Andes cruz:
Barbara Donovan:
Robyn Hawk:
Kathleen Krucoff:
Beth Cyr:
Natsuko Hanks
WATTO (Mary)
Wendy Kelly
stephanie clark


  1. hehehe. excellent fun :) Ande

  2. teeeheeeheee! I'm going to be walking around all morning shaking my head, gigling and muttering...."Kevan's a tool!" HAHAHAHAHA!

  3. I definitely liked your approach to this month's topic!

    Kathleen Krucoff