Holy shit.

I'm a bit of a "last minute" kinda gal.  I think I do better under pressure, but I'm probably just telling myself that because I'm also a bit of a procrastinator.  For example, tomorrow Gill and I have appointments to get our new tattoos.  Now, tattoos are a pretty serious thing....there's the whole permanent kinda deal.  So you'd think this would be something that you'd have planned out for decades before getting to your appointment, all tho, if I could interrupt myself for a second, this one time I saw a lady walk into the tattoo shop and just like randomly point to a drawing on the wall and be like "ummm, yeah okay, that one." so I guess it does happen!  Wait, where was I...........oh right.....so you'd think one would have a game plan on the Friday before a 1pm Saturday tattoo appointment.  Now here's the shocker, maybe you'd best sit down.........I DON'T have a game plan.  Wait, that's not entirely true, I have multiple game plans!!  None of which are clear to me WHICH is the right game plan!  So what do I do?  I tell Gill I'm waiting for my spirit quest to show me the answer, when in reality I'm just going to sweat it out and freak out until the very last second!  Now don't get me wrong, I'm not just going to waltz in there and wind up with regrets.....all of my ideas I have I adore and love and would be happy with.  I probably will wind up with all the ideas inked on me somewhere in the future.....the location of all these pieces I can say I totally don't have ideas for.  Now in all of this, am I concerned?  No, not really.  Should I be?  Heck yes.  What I'd really like is for someone to just bully me into the right answer....but it has to be the answer I want already but don't know I want?  Ya know?  Any takers?

Conversation with Barry

Let me just first off start by saying this.....YES I AM STILL OBSESSING OVER FLUEVOGS.  Okay, now that that's out of the way!  I mean, just because I check 1983729 times a day to see if my boots are still available in my size (while a little icon flashes wildly at me saying HURRY only one pair left), doesn't make me crazy right?  And what's going to happen the day I check and they're gone????!  I shudder to imagine!  But let's step back from my neurotic behaviours and talk about how that behaviour is going to play out with my polar opposite husband......this is our early morning text messages....

me - Phew.  You'll be glad to know my fluevogs are still available.
B - You could put your tattoo money towards them!
me - Okay!  So then my tattoo is my birthday present??

*silence*

I mean, my birthday is coming up, it only makes sense that I should get a present right??  And out of the two of them, I'm sure he'd consciously fund the boots over the tattoo.  Barry isn't a fan of tattoos, all though last night he did claim that if he was to get one, it'd be the label of his favourite bottle of wine!  No surprises there. 

TO BE CONTINUED......

The Penis.....and if you are related to me, think twice about reading this...also if you are under the age of legal consent.

Okay so I've been out of the whole "dating loop" for a long time.....about 10 years to be exact.  And, things have really changed in the last ten years.  For example, cell phones.  Now saying that is making me sound like I also walked up hill both ways to school when I was a kid, but it's true (not the hill part, but the change part).  When Barry and I were first dating, he got his first cell phone.  It was GIANT and did him NO good because he only knew a small handful of people who also had cell phones and really, you only used them to phone.  There was no texting, picture messaging etc....so the novelty quickly wore off.  Facebook wasn't rampant then either....there was no "facebook official" dating status or pictures to tag.  In my opinion, things were much easier....less confusing anyways!!  And I'm glad to say I'm out of the dating loop because Jesus, Mary and Joseph you couldn't pay me to date nowadays!  All tho, if you did pay me to date you, my husband may be okay with that.  While talking bills and budget the other night after a couple bottles of wine, he did mention that if I started having sex with a few of my clients, I'd make more money....I think he was kidding and I'm pretty sure he meant sex like in a metaphor for stimulating conversation....which I have with my clients already so maybe that's not it.....anyways, I'm sure he's not condoning prostitution but back to my original point....which was.....I lost it.  So back to my original original point......

WHAT THE FUCK IS UP WITH TEXTING PENIS PICTURES???? 

Okay ladies, am I right?  Or am I horribly old and a prude and obviously a nun?  Like, does this do something exciting for you??  Now don't get me wrong, I'm okay with penises....(and if my mom is reading this, maybe just pretend like I'm talking about something else, nod, smile and skip to the end)...I wouldn't say the sight of a penis really does anything spectacular for me.  They're kind of funny looking really.  And so quirky....does it shift left.....point right....bend....have a hat on.....change colours....all sorts of different things.  It's hard to really take any guy seriously when they're standing there pointing that thing at you that instantly brings me back to childhood.....not penises in my childhood let me just stop you there....but you know those things behind the doors?  The door stops?  The ones on the springs that you hit and they SPROING back up and make an amazingly annoying sound?  Do you not just want to run over and give it a whack expecting the sound?  Okay no?  Just me?  Mooovvinnnggg on.....like...as a girl, would you ever sit around on the internet googling pictures of penises to like, get off?  I kinda think no.  So why oh why would a guy think that texting a girl a picture of just his penis, with no other "hey how you doing?" would get him somewhere?  Is it code for like, I'm ready?  Sext me (another thing that I don't really get). Or is it just reverting back to all little boys fascination with hanging on to their wang for good luck and playing helicopter when they should be peeing.  Am I totally out in space here??  I know the old myth about guys being more "visual" when it comes to turn ons is truly a myth and ladies are just as much visual creatures too.....but does that do it for you?  Or do we all just smile and pretend like we enjoy it as not to hurt their little feelings?  C'mon ladies, tell me your feedback!!  What is up with getting a penis picture?  Do you like it?  Or do you show it to all your girlfriends and giggle?  And lets face it, these pictures of penises being texted are not like Ron Jeremy sized or anything....they're just your average dongs....or smaller....not that size matters to anyone...okay, that's a lie....size does matter to some but I guess there's a way to like, take a picture and have it look bigger?  Maybe like next to a doll hand pretending it's like, your own hand or something?  Okay...now I'm just getting creepy.....

Fun Facts! Or not...god there is just NO pleasing you is there??!!

In the spirit of complete randomness, this post is dedicated to my parents.  My darling kooky parents, who without them, I would not be the person I am today.  Basically, everything about me that's "odd", I'm blaming on them....but don't tell them that.  Let's just pretend right now that I'm writing this because...like.....I admire them?  Yeah, I admire them and cherish all my personality traits cause that's what makes me "me".  And the funniest part is, most of you know my parents....and you know how completely insane they are!  And the fact that me and my siblings are so put together is really just sheer luck and street smarts!  I mean....gaawwddd.....so anyways, thanks to them I'm a pseudo-nut job...oh no, wait.....pseudo means fake....thank you grade 7...so I guess I'm just a nut job?  Okay, glad to clear that up.  Here are some fun facts about moi!

1) I wear glasses.  Yes, I'm starting off a little disappointing here.  But the fact I wear glasses is only known to anyone who has ever been here late enough in the evening to see me attempt to watch TV from across the living room.  Cause that's the only time I wear them.  Now now, don't fret, I don't need them to cut hair!  Just like...detail work....annnd stuff....waaaiittt......awkward....

2) I have NEVER seen an episode of The Bachelor, Bachelorette, Biggest Loser, American Idol, The Voice, America's got Talent, Kardashians, or anything on MTV,  blah blah reality TV.  The last reality TV show I watched was the finale of the VERY FIRST SEASON of Survivor....I was pregnant with Gavin and it was 1999.

3) Continuing with the NEVER TV theme....I have NEVER seen the movie Titanic.  This used to piss my sister off who loved the movie....she'd try and sneak it into the VCR (google it) and try and pretend it was a different movie and trap me into watching it. Nowadays, it's strictly this; if I watch it, I can no long say I've NEVER seen it.  So I won't.

4) I know how to juggle.  This fact once brought a girl to tears (it was Gill, still don't know why my juggling brought her to such emotion) and is a sight that again, few have witnessed.  I'm not an amazing juggler anymore, but maybe I'll practice again and take my show on the road.

5) Boys with long hair make me SWWOOONNN.  I'm not talking about those scruffy, shaggy junior high/high school boys.....I'm talking like grown up boys.  With long hair.......ohhhhh yeah.  I once dated a guy in college who my sister called "Jesus" and yeah, it was pretty accurate. 

6) Okay....now this is a deep dark secret.  Maybe I'll save it for the end....it's pretty unreal.

7) In too many ways, I am EXACTLY. MY. DAD.  This fact was thrown in my face during an argument with him the other night and as he sat there smirking, I had to resist the urge to start screaming dramatically and pack my stuff and run away.  Now I know for a fact, he'll never read this (fun fact about him....he just recently learnt how to turn on a computer) so I feel safe in saying that I usually regard my father (lovingly sure) as a spoiled rotten child.  That pretty much sums up his personality.  So the fact that we share so many similar traits, makes me crazy annoyed.  I'm alot like my mom too, but I think the personality traits of mine that are the quickest to flare up and show themselves come from him.  SUCH AS....my temper, impatience, inability to be bored without killing people, need for constant motion, TV/radio station/song constant flicking, acting like spoiled rotten brats, we have a hard time when we're not the centre of the universe (thank you MOM for the combo on this one and my ability to at least pretend I'm not when needed) and the list goes on.  But as much as I have those traits, it's not all bad from him.....I also have good knees for sports, sense of humour, easy to make friends, can talk to anyone in the world and have them fall in love with me (even if just a little bit), love of music and an appreciation for the things that make a small town small.  So it's a bit of both.

8) I LOVE to write!  Okay, again, not blowing your mind here.  I can hear you thinking "do you think we're idiots?  Obviously you're writing this right now!" and no, I think you're all brilliant...I'm talking about writing stories, poems, essays, fact, fiction etc etc.  I ADORE writing!  I was that girl who would bang out an obscenely large essay the night before and get an A on it.  I used to have quite a collection of my writings....before computers were so rampant....and a friend of mine had them to edit for me and left them in his car and then sold his car and they all went to the dump.  He nicely offered to help me re-write them claiming he could remember the basic ideas of them but I was upset and discouraged and that was pretty much the end of my writing career.....the dump.

9) All through school, I thought when I graduated, I would go to acting school.  I LOVE acting.  My dream was to be in a production on Broadway.  I'd like to think that if my life had gone in a different direction, I would have had the gusto to make that happen.

10) I'm obsessed with leather, pvc, latex clothing.  Anytime I have a costume to wear, I try and incoporate as much of these fabrics as possible.  They make me feel amazing when wearing.

11) And last but not least....my deep dark secret.....are you ready?  For those who already know this fact (all 4 of you) you can feel smug in knowing that before I published it on the entire world wide web, I felt safe enough to share with you.....you're welcome.  So...okay.....it's hard to type....i'm feeling all sweaty and my palms are damp........CHEERLEADERS MAKE ME CRY.  Okay...I think it feels good to get that out...all tho, it makes me feel like i'm going to cry....thinking about them.  Now this is a crazy thing.  It all started when I was pregnant with Gavin and I'd watch those like cheer competitions on TV and something about them made me bawl my face off.  I don't know if it's like the high level of energy, the sound of the crowd, how they all fill out their cheerleading bibs with their boobs unlike I was ever able to do in pompom girls, the fact that they have so much team spirit...I don't know.  And this wasn't like a silent sobbing type cry....it was a full out vocal my grandmother just died gut wrenching body busting wail. And now, the thought of watching it makes the hairs on my arms stand up and my eyes get misty.  I thought once I had Gavin, hormones being hormones, I'd go back to normal and this wouldn't happen.  But no....it does.  And it's the worst thing ever.  Remember when those movies "Bring it" or whatever came out?  Do you know how many times they advertised on TV?  Instant tear fest, every time.

So there you have it.  Eleven fun filled facts about me.  Because I am the centre of the universe and you are all in love with me, am I missing any great ones that people should know?  If so, please share!

The Middle Child

You know....I was always super happy that I didn't have any girls.  Don't get me wrong, girls are lovely (just look at me! ha!) and I know that having girls would be a totally different, lifetime of companionship compared to boys.  For me, I was always terrified that karma would kick my ass if I had girls.  I know what kind of a girl I was....and that scared me.  I could get into stories, but that's a whole other blog post. That and hormones.  Uggghhh.....I don't think our house is big enough for more hormones, mine are through the roof all on their own.  So I guess my point is that I felt "safe" after having 3 boys of my own. 

Weeeelllllll........along came Kohen.

Kohen is a breed unto his own.  He can be the sweetest child on the face of the planet.  The most caring and loving and considerate and helpful and thoughtful and the list truly goes on.  And thank goddess for that because that takes up maybe 13% of his time, and the rest of the time........it can be hell.  This is my penance.  This is my karma.  He is a trying, difficult, life sucking entity and I mean that in the most loving motherly way.  When Kohen is around, the world enters it's own gravitational pull and surrounds only him.  You can't focus elsewhere, he just sucks all the attention and energy out of everyone in the room.  My mom ofter remarks, after a visit to our house, that she feels bad for the other kids because she didn't get a chance to have any one on one with them.  And she's always a little stunned, that feeling of "what the hell just happened?" as she's getting ready to leave and realizing that she's exhausted.  That's how I feel most days.  He's exhausting.  We go in waves these days thankfully.  In the last couple years, it was all the time and now, we have ups and we have downs.  I'd like to think the calm times are as many as the crazy times, but I could just be hopefully delusional.  And just when you think you are going to snap and lose your shit and give him to the neighbours, he turns around and just does something so heart wrenchingly beautiful and sweet and you just melt and realize you can make it another day with Kohen.  Oh and he looks amazingly darling when he's sleeping, a time my husband spends to watch and tear up over how much he loves him.  You have to take those moments because when he's awake some days, you wonder if you'll both survive the day.

It's all for the ass in the end.

Oh hi there!  It's been awhile!  I started my other blog, and completely forgot about this blog.....this one where I share the insides of me, not the outsides like my other blog.  Truthfully, this is the scarier blog to write because I tend to have an issue "over sharing" sometimes.....but that's why I enjoy this venue to share!!  Today I want to share with you a little secret.  I'm off the scale.  I don't know if anyone remembers my obsession with the scale.  That horrible thing in my bathroom that called me to step on it two, three, four times a day....never changing much, but giving me a number that I could tuck away in my brain and process and over analyse.  But, I've started going to the gym....which you'd think would make me more apt to standing on the scale but it's been the opposite.  I ADORE the gym!  And I've totally ditched the scale. Crazy hey?  It's been making this winter bearable....the darkness okay....the early cozy nights pleasant and my moods more stable then they have been in a long time (or at least I think so...my husband might disagree).  I'm pissed at myself that I didn't figure out this whole physical activity thing and winter and moods sooner!  But here I am, three days a week at the gym with my gym buddy Nicole.  It's been blissful.  I've seen a bit of a transformation, nothing drastic....which is okay!  I'm not in it to really change....more just to feel good.  Which I do.  My arms have a bit more definition, my legs are gonna look nice in shorts and I have energy and stamina and feel strong.  Now I don't know if everyone has taken to my gym routine as pleasantly as I have.  It's been hard on the rest of the family.  Mostly because those three days a week are typically after I finish work so I get home that bit later and dinner is that bit later and my husband is picking up more of the slack.  I get twinges of guilt....when I come home and everyone is miserable and I'm on a total high from the physical exertion.  And I keep telling myself I'm going to be more organised in meal planning and crock potting and try to keep it as non disruptive as I can, but it's hard.  The three kids and the business suck so much out of me to begin with....but I need this.  And I want to feel good about myself....and a nicer, tighter ass doesn't hurt anything either right??

Figure skaters ftw.

So I started another blog.  And it's actually pretty fun.  I'm posting all my outfit choices for the days and asking people to give me feed back on them!  So far everyone has been pretty nice, nothing rude or mean or anything!  Which, I'm not asking for rude or mean, but I hope I can get some genuine feed back from people.  I honestly don't have this amazing fashion sense, and I follow fashion only so far as a 30 something year old, 5'2ish mother from Castlegar BC can!  Which, isn't very well!  Shopping around here is pretty limited (as are my funds!) and clothing just isn't designed for bodies like mine!  But I enjoy putting clothes together and always have!  I can remember when I was probably 10ish.  Me and my bestie Charlotte were obsessed with watching figure skating.  And we'd oooooh and aaaaah over the costumes and always remark "I WISH I could just have all those costumes for my own!".....I didn't even (still don't) know how to skate!  We just wanted to like, wear skating outfits all the time...everyday...for every occasion!! 

And the obsession never really stopped!  For clothing that is, I eventually outgrew my obsession with figure skating outfits.  So if any of this seems at all interesting....follow my other blog too!!  And recommend either of them to your friends! 

http://fashionwhorenamedshannon.blogspot.com/