Pure Enjoyment

When I first read this months topic, I thought "easy!".  I mean, I'm joyful.....I like stuff!  So what do I like to do for a past time?  For pure enjoyment?  Huh.  Nothing is coming to me.  Well, there is one thing.  And it's nagging at me in the back of my head, but I'm going to ignore it because it can't be the answer I'm looking for.  I know!  Cooking!  I cook!  I love to cook!  But, I mean, I don't ever cook just to like...cook.  I cook cause I have to make a meal.  Sometimes I make more elaborate meals for fun....but would I call it a past time....huh.  No.  Okay....so what else.  Umm....work?  I work.  Alot.  And in my free time, I work some more.  Is this a past time?  No....probably not.  I think this defeats the purpose of doing something for pure enjoyment as a past time.  But I work more then I do anything.  Okay....scratch work.  Let's see here..........I used to read.  Then I had kids.  Now I don't have time to read.  This one time I started collecting stamps!  But I was 10 and gave it up by 10 1/2.  OH, I run!!!!  I love to run!  I mean, when I do run.  I've kind of fallen off the running bus.  I got really sick....blah blah blah....and now I'm back a bunch of weeks that I had already made progress on....and I'm discouraged.  So I haven't really ran in like....a while.  But I liked it.  And I would do it for....not really joy.....because it always kind of hurt and I wasn't really good at it.....sooooo.........huh.  This is harder then I thought.  Never mind my little voice in my head.  It's talking bullshit and I don't have to listen.  UMMM..........pure enjoyment....past time.....OH!  I drink wine!  Wait.....that makes me sound like a drunk.  I don't like drink wine till I'm drunk every day....I usually take a day off where I just drink till tipsy every now and again....annnnd...I mean, we do go through a lot of wine....but if it's like our hobby?  Then that's okay?  Right?  No?  Okayyyy......so that does sound a bit.....lush-ey.  So ignore all that.  I'm sure I don't drink more then like five one glass a day...really.....soooo..............okay okay okay.  I'm going to say it.  And I hate that this is my answer.  And it's more important to me then eating, or sleeping, or working, or like......sex stuff......or shopping....or anything.  My pure enjoyment past time is......online social media.  You name it....I love it.....twitter, facebook, blogger, gmail, email, TFLN, etsy, regretsy, ebay, damnyouautocorrect, myspace...haha...just kidding about the myspace.  I mean, I love it all.  And that makes me really sad that this is what I choose to do for enjoyment as a past time. 

"What do you do for fun?" "Me?  Oh, I tweet."

So for pure enjoyment and in my free time, I plug in.  I guess the important thing is I can unplug and cook, or run or read and I also enjoy those things.  But hands down, my ultimate guilty pleasure is technology.  And I know you guys all understand!

Things I've Learned Over The Last Few Days

Things I've learned over the last few days....

1. My husband is a multi-tasking master and amazing.

Okay....in all fairness, I've always known this.  But it always amazes me the extent of that statement!  Take for example our recent quick trip to Kelowna/Penticton.  Now, I went for work.  He came JUST TO TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS SO I COULD WORK.  Seriously.  So off I go at 7:30am....leaving him and the 2 younger boys in a hotel room (one under the age of 2), to pack up and check out and entertain themselves and get to Penticton and re-check in and unpack and entertain themselves.  Now this is an undertaking that I would have failed miserably.  First off, just attempting ANY of this with Kohen and Lennon is amazing, maybe a bit stupid, but amazing.  And he managed to pull it all off.  They went to the pool swimming, went to ToysRUs, went out for lunch, drove to Penticton and travelled around there....re-checked into our new hotel and was there to pick me up from class right on time.  I get into the car and both boys are wearing new outfits (he took them CLOTHES SHOPPING!) and looking soooo sweet in their new plaid shirts.  They are all smiling, and relaxed and happy.  Now, let's pretend for a second that him and I had changed places and he was working all day while I had the kids and was attempting to get around Kelowna etc.....when I picked him up, I would have been a disaster.  Like seriously.  I would have been crabby and probably crying, let's not kid ourselves.  The kids would have been filthy and hungry and tired and crabby.  We all would have hated every second of the trip and I probably would have ran something over or got lost or forgot our suitcases or something!!  Not to say that I couldn't cope with the kids.....or do things with my kids....but seriously, this was a HUGE day and a HUGE task!  I also know our limits and accept them when it comes to me and the kids.  And I'm a pretty put-together kind of gal, in my own way.  But it never would have worked out for me, nor would I have attempted it on my own!  So there again, amazing and multi-tasking.



Matching Plaid Shirts



2. I like BC wine (well, can appreciate it more anyways).

So here's the breakdown.  I'm a wine snob.  Legit.  Also, I've tried a fair number of BC wines and have hated them all.  The only BC wines that I've tried and enjoyed were all very expensive, because I'm a wine snob.  I don't know what exactly I dislike about most BC wines I've tried.....they're like....green tasting or something.  You know when wine gets that almost carbonated feel to the tongue?  Ya, like that!  But I've been trying to branch out more and have tried a few more types and brands and actually have found a couple new ones I enjoy!!  And I'm eager to try more!!

3. People are horrible.

Now....this is a very general statement.  And not ALL people of course are horrible.  But I witnessed some horrible people this weekend and it made me sick to my stomach, and sad for people in general.  Driving through Kelowna....just about over the bridge to west Kelowna and at the last intersection at the bottom.....a guy riding his bike across the intersection gets hit by a car.  Now, I didn't actually see the hit....but the guy I was driving with did.  What I saw was a man laying on his back, spread eagle and completely still.  I actually believed him to be dead (he's not thankfully!) because of how he looked!  The driver I was with passes me his cell phone and says "DIAL 911" so I do.  Now we're stuck in like 3 lanes of traffic moving quickly, so it's not easy for us to stop.  There is however many many many cars and people and business around where this man is laying.  So as we drive past I keep looking out the window to see what's going on and NOBODY is getting out to help him!  Cars are driving by.  People at the gas station next to him are pumping gas.  Nobody has rushed over to see if he's okay.  He's still laying there.  Still as can be.  We pass 2 ambulances heading his way so I relax that at least someone will help out.  Once home, I google the accident to see the outcome and the man had major head trauma and the driver that hit him LEFT THE SCENE!  Hit and run.  A person.  They drove away, leaving him laying on the road.  What.  The.  Fuck.

4.  Moons over my Hammy

So we don't have a Dennys here so I'm not really going to apologize for this mix up, but I felt it was worth sharing.  We go to Dennys in Penticton for breakfast.  I order the "moons over my hammy please" and my husband cracks a joke about it.  I'm confused.

Barry - "Good thing you ordered it that way, or you might have gotten something totally different!"

-him and waitress share a laugh-

Me - "ha ha...uhh....ha.  So how long were you saving that joke"? Why is he saying it like this?  Is he talking about the moons part?  Like mooning someone?  Bums?  Why is this a joke??

Barry - "I bet they won't bring it to you unless you say it that way! They'd be all 'um..moons over what?'"

Me -   "Uhh...ya...I bet."  Still don't get it.....what is he saying....this isn't funny!

So we continue to eat.....and all of a sudden.....a light bulb goes off.  I burst out laughing sooo hard, and am actually crying at the same time (remember my mixed up emotions from puppy posting...sometimes instead of laughing, I cry).  Barry wants to know what I'm laughing about.  I don't want to share.  I try and choke back my laughter.  He pesters me more.....so I finally cave. 

"I didn't know moons over my hammy was moons over MIAMI!"

He looks at me like I've grown another head and bursts out laughing too!  Seriously though, I still don't really get it.  I mean, is it a song reference?  What's up with the moons over Miami?? Okay so apparently it's a movie.  But why is it a sandwich at Dennys??



Moons over My Hammy

 

 

So I've learned a few new things....good for me!  I'll never order another moons over my hammy though.  It's creepy and cut the heck out of the roof of my mouth!  Why do people eat those?!?



Awkward and I don't condone the running over of puppies.

So.....I think there is something wrong with me.  Like wrong with me!  I mean, pretty much, I'm a decent person.  I like stuff, and am nice mostly and say mean things only under my breath, mostly.  And I don't try to hurt people, or things and I don't enjoy when other people hurt people, or things.  Nice person, right?  So also, sometimes when I get nervous, or stressed, I giggle.  In really awkward and inappropriate times.  And the worst part about this is- it's usually odd enough to get someone else to giggle, and then you're in trouble.  And it's not that I'm giggling or laughing because it's funny, like funny ha-ha, but because it's just the way my emotional reaction has decided to come out in that form.  I remember this one time, at a funeral....not like a sad funeral but like a funeral of someone very very old who was very very sick and it really was a bit of a blessing that they had finally moved on.  Well, of course it was sad, but it wasn't like tragic?  Okay, now this example isn't even my example that I had planned to talk about in setting myself up for wrong-ness......but the more I write, the more scared I get!  Who talks about a non-sad funeral???  Did someone die?  Isn't that sad?  Get a hold of yourself Shannon!!!!  Anyways....my point was, as we were sitting there, off to the side in the family section at the funeral....

k wait.....now you're all "family section" and "not sad" funeral in the same story?  She's effed.

......and we were feeling very stressed about the situation.  And it was one of those Russian funerals where the singers all come out and sing and sing and sing for EVER and everyone is crying....well, not everyone cause also, at the Russian funerals, you have those who just come out for the social aspect.  Yes, I know that sounds kind of odd....but it's like a communal support group!  ANYWAYS......my dad and I realize that we are sitting in such a spot where we can see directly up the dead persons nose.  Like DIRECT.  And she had a fairly large nose....with fairly large nostrils.  And it's like a black void space....and what do they do with your nose insides?  And now we're whispering "what's up there?" and trying to hide giggles as sobs.....and yes, we're horrible people......but you laughed too thinking of it and now so are you.  But when you're just stressed like that....and your emotion doesn't know WHAT to do....sometimes this is the easiest way to get it out.  Highly frowned upon, but it just happens....and I cried too.....so I'm probably hopefully not going to become a seriel killer.  Right??

This other time......it was Christmas dinner.  And my Baba (Russian grandma) was leading us all in the traditional prayer before supper.  We were all standing, heads bowed and I happened to glance over and catch sight of my sister.  We were like maybe 12 and 10.....okay 15 and 13....okay so maybe it was only a couple years ago but I'm pretty sure we were young.  So I glance at her....and she kind of smirks....so I kind of smirk and quickly look away.  Everyone is still very seriously praying...like to god or whatnot....so I glance again.....and we giggle.  Uh oh.  So the more we try NOT to giggle....we giggle more.  Pretty soon, tears are RUNNING down our cheeks and we're full out laughing.  And we can't stop.  And my dad is yelling at us to be quiet and Baba looks horrified.  All just making the situation worse....and we just CANNOT stop.  So we get sent to our rooms.  At Christmas dinner of all times. 

So yesterday.......I laughed at someone posting that they had run over their puppy.

cue crickets chirping

Okay so see?  Doesn't that sound AWFUL!!!????  But in all fairness, they also said that it wasn't like the entire puppy....but maybe just the leg or paw.  And I really didn't find it funny!!!!  But it was just the way it was written...on their status.  So like matter of fact and out there.  And it was such a long day at work and I didn't eat lunch and our work environment has been a little stressful lately so it just like....came out.  Then once I realized what I had done.....of course I started laughing.  Out of complete embarrassment!  And awkwardness!  But then I couldn't stop.  And pretty soon I had tears running down my face.  And Gill just sat there, across from me, staring with a look of horror wondering if I had truly cracked.  And I swear, at that moment, I had!!!  And every time I'd stop laughing....I'd remember that I laughed at someone running over their puppy and I'd start again.  Oh my god.  I'm going straight to hell!!  So to try and like, I don't know....cover up the horrific nature of my giggle I choked out "One time my dad ran over my bike!" which doesn't really compare....of course, I know that!  Okay, so now I even went and scrolled through days of postings to find out about the puppy cause I felt really badly.....but it's okay!!  Just bruised!  Sooo....if you're reading this, not the puppy but the owner, send me your address....I'd like to send your puppy some get well soon flowers....or dog biscuits or a bone or something. 

So just to sum up.........running over animals is never funny.  And I laughed and feel badly and I think this means that I probably have an alien living inside me who will be busting out at any moment....if I like, feed it after midnight or water it on a full moon or something.  And if I wind up killing a bunch of people, or like maybe one person....or like my ex goes missing or something....you can all tell this story at my trial because it truly proves that I've been sniffing too many chemicals at work and have been probably possessed or something. 

You can teach a horse to drink....wait.....

So yesterday morning started out sadly for me.  Now before I get too far, I need to share that yes, it's that time of the month.  But like, not the beginning of that time when emotions are like crazy rampant, but like...sort of half way into that time of the month.  You know?  Okay, so now that all the men have probably stopped reading......yesterday morning was sad. 

While scrolling through facebook (I bet a many good stories start out this way...) I came across the status update of this lovely girl whom I adore....it basically said she was devastated, but in a much more poetic/heart wrenching way.  Right away I text her "what's going on??"....and yes, in this day and age, I texted her instead of calling first.  Mainly because it wasn't even 8am yet so I don't like to phone people, and also because she has a phone phobia and so we only use it for true emergencies.  Which this probably was......anyways....where the heck was I??  Umm....oh right........so I text her.  She replies and shares that she has had her heart broken.  Again.  By the same douche canoe asshole mother effin disgusting piece of dog crap asshat guy.  So here was my first instinct - get my hackles up and protect those I love.  My second was to try and make her see that it's for the best, of course, that he's off doing what ever else douche canoes guys do. Now the history of this heart break is that he's one of those "bottle of shampoo" type guys.....lather, rinse and repeat.  Okay, so maybe not the first two exactly in that way....but the repeat part.  And he thrives on it.  He's a bit older, and much more...um....I'm going to say "worldly" but this isn't quite the right word cause it makes her sound like a bumpkin.  But, he's just been around more and played the game longer i guess?  So he knows exactly what he's doing.  She's got like that young, first love thing happening....that puppy crush that makes you want to throw yourself from a cliff every time it happens, but never hesitate to go back and relive all the drama time and time again. 

Fuck you couldn't pay me to go back to those years!!!!  And yes, we all have to go through this.  But I always think like, if I could share my wisdom with you (ha! wisdom!) then it could be like that saying "If I knew now what I knew then" cause, you would know now what you knew then, cause I just told you!!  But I've now come to the conclusion that even if you could know now what you knew then....it wouldn't do a damn bit of good.  We have to live through these things....these experiences that make us who we are...I guess.  And it sucks.  Especially when you are watching someone you love go through them and you just want to say STOP, spoil the ending, and move on over a nice glass of wine. 

So I was a bit more forceful this time (remember, shampoo type guy).  And I hope it didn't offend but I really questioned why she kept going back for more?  Why he could be so verbally and emotional cruel to her and yet, she would always go back and always let him do it again.  I told her how much we loved her and how I wished she loved herself.  I pointed out the hate she had for other boys who had done similar things to those SHE loved....and why couldn't she value herself enough to be as worthy as them??  I was in tears, fighting for all the things that made her so amazing, that she gave to him to crush and break over and over again.  I just wanted her to feel her worth.....to see that she was amazing....to see what he was doing to her.  Like drug addicts.....you just see the good.  The few measly times it makes you feel good, you hang onto that and magnify it so it becomes the reality.  I sobbed at her "sorry" and realized I was making her feel badly....when I was trying to do just the exact opposite.  "Bull shit!" I told her....no sorry here, just love yourself and get mad!!!  Get mad at all of it!  Get mad, and remember it!  Get mad and take yourself back! 

I asked Barry's opinion....what do I say!?!  I want her to realize that she's awesome and he's a loser.  And the ever wise Barry says......

"And she's got years to go.  You can't be mad!  Just let her know you understand....you can lead a horse to water but you can't hold it's head under and say "right here TONTO!"

And of course, he's right.  Except for the Tonto part....cause I actually think that was the faithful Indian companion....which is now making that advice sound really not right....or good......but if you take the rest of that advice...it's basically good, solid advice.  And I am here for her....and I know she knows that.  And if I ever run into that guy, I'll break his nose so bad......but if for some strange reason, you hear of like this guy getting his nose very badly broken and they don't know why or who, just forget you ever read this...ok??  And also his car gets set on fire, ya, then just forget I said anything.  Oh?  I didn't mention that part?  Well good then, and I won't.  Soooo........................a sad morning.  And i've been notified today that now she's mad.  So that's a good sign.  It's moving through the stages of grief, and maybe one of these trips back up from the bottom will be the last trip......because she bloody well deserves to move up and stay up.  And i'm there for her, and I've been there myself.....we all have.....and it still sucks. 

I'm 32.

The other day, I found myself short a couple kids and only had the baby.  Such a treat!  My mom and I decided to head to Walmart to wander around and buy some very exciting items.  On my shopping list; a new pillow, a new bra and shorts for the oldest.  So off we go!!  With only the baby in tow, we can wander around and totally take our time!  So nice!  We start at the ladies clothing and each try on an armful of stuff, just for fun!  Then we head over to the bra section.  Okay, now lets lay out some groundwork here.  First off, I used to have a lovely set of B's.  Just the right size.  Not too big, not too small, and perky.  Then came my kids.  With the first baby, the girls jumped up to a C.  Still alright!  We used to joke about the "Titty Fairy" who comes to visit while pregnant and then after while nursing.  Eventually, between my first and second baby, the girls dropped a bit to a B cup.  But still, I was happy with them.  Clothes fit well and bras fit well.  After having Kohen, I nursed for 19 months.  Nineteen whole months!!!  My once perky B's started to shrink a bit....and sag......and flop.  Not happy.  But I could still wear a nice bra and they'd perk right up again, fooling everyone!  Look guys!  I nursed 2 babes and my breasts are chipper and cheerful and up where they belong!! Nothing to do with my new Victoria Secrets bra...no, they are just like this naturally (ya right!).  Then along came Lenny.  Let's just say, at 20 months, he's still sucking me dry.  So the girls have shrunk yet again to very, very small A's.  Raisins really.  Shrively old prunes.  And considering they are so friggen small they sure hang LOW!  Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot?  Can you tie them in a bow?  Check, check and check.  So unless I'm wearing a VERY padded bra, they look alot like moobs.  You know moobs......man boobs?  Think pointy down and triangular shaped and floppy.  Moobs.  My moobs.  Mom boobs if you will. 

So there we are.....scouring the bra section.  Now my mom has never had the same problem as me.  As I'm searching through the racks, she's yelling "See any triple D's?" and I'm calling over "Keep an eye out for double A's!".  We hunt and hunt and nothing.  Sure, I try a few bras on over my clothes and existing bra and when they are too big then, I know to put them back on the hanger.  I give up.  I'm frustrated by my National Geographic cover, topless African woman breasts.  I decide I'll have better luck with shoes and head off, leaving my mom still trying to smush herself into a double D.

At the shoes and my mom comes running over with a handful of bras.  "JACKPOT!" she yells excitedly!  She's found some for me! We head off to the changing room and I'm in.  The first bra I try is cute....a nice lavender and it's too big.  That's okay!  I have others to try!  As I'm wrestling the next one off the hanger I notice there's a picture on the hanger.  It's of this girl, this.....PRETEEN girl.  This smiling red headed preteen girl with 2 thumbs up and too big front teeth. 

"MOM!"
"Yes?  You got one on?"
"MOM!  Are these.......TRAINING bras????"
*silence*
"MOM!"
"Well.........I was going to rip the tags off, but I thought then how could they scan them at the check out!"
"MOM!  The first one was TOO BIG!"
*silence*  "Maybe you need some of those cutlet things you stick in there?"
"No mom! NO thanks!"

I grumble and try on another. Okay, so it fits.....well.  La ti fucking da!  I try on another....again, fits....well.  So now I have 2.  I look at the preteen price tag....huh! Training bras are alot cheaper then real ones.  Fine.  I'll buy 2, but I'm devastated!  I'm 32 years old for goodness sakes!  I didn't even need a training bra when I was a kid!  I went from nothing to a B overnight!  I hide them under some stuff in the cart and pout the rest of the shopping trip.  My mom lovingly suggests "When you are finished nursing, get some suckers put in!"  Ya ya Mom....it's on my list of things to do.  We head to the check outs and I start separating my stuff from hers.  There in the bottom of the cart is a little bag with these squishy, flesh coloured things.  My mom snuck them in there.  I refuse to buy them. 

So there you go.  Buying training bras at age 32.  I've tried them on a couple times, but have yet to wear them.  I mean, without the preteen smiling at me from the hanger, they don't look any different from my A's I usually wear.  But I know she was on there.  Smiling at me with her too big front teeth.  Mocking me with her 12 year old smile.....I'm 12 and I've got bigger tits then you!!!

Shit in my fridge

Why oh why is my fridge so full???  All the time....it's like....crammed!  What the hell is in there???  Nothing to eat, or so the kids always like to inform me!  So I thought I'd break it down and see really, what the heck is in there.....my findings were a little odd!  A few highlights were....

Beer.  Lots and lots of beer.  We don't actually drink much beer, but every time someone comes over and brings beer, we put it in the fridge.  They should come back and drink it.

Condiments...like, every condiment known to man kind.  Ketchup, soy sauce, fish sauce, teriyaki sauce, stir fry sauce, sweet and sour sauce, bbq sauce, thai sweet chili sauce, worchesterschire sauce, A1 steak sauce, plum sauce, honey mustard sauce, tequila lime sauce and it goes on and on and on.  Who needs this many sauces?  When helping us move one time, my Baba commented "there's more condiments in here then at Kootenay Market!"...it's probably true.

6 dark chocolate bars.  Six.  Different.  Kinds.  See, I don't like dark chocolate.  So they are safe here.

4 open bottles of pop.  Is anyone going to drink these after they sit and get stale?  No.  So why save them in the fridge?

5 jars of open salsa.  I swear, every time I go grocery shopping I say "are we out of salsa?" and Barry says "not sure, but I think so!" and BAM!  Salsa coming out of our ears.

Box of pizza.  At any given time, I could PROMISE you on my LIFE that we would have a box of delivery pizza in our fridge. 

Every single jam type in the world.  And what kinds will my kids eat?  Raspberry.  That is all.  So what shall I do with the lemon, peach, grape, strawberry, mixed berry, wild berry etc jars of jam?  Is there a "Jams for the Homeless" collection box?

8 sandwich bags with 8 mystery cheese in them.  Some are white, some are kind of greenish by now.  Little tiny left over bits of cheese that I save in a ziploc bag.  Could I actually name 8 different kinds of cheese?  I'm going to say it's possible, but I'd probably be lying.

Tiny, not quite enough for a full serving, amounts of leftovers from dinner on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.  All saved in plastic containers.  But they are not ever quite enough for a meal, so everyone always looks at them, thinks "hmm, not enough" and puts them back.  Good thing I saved it all!

A bag of pitted dates and a bag of figs.  I vaguely remember making a recipe a while back that called for 5 dates and 5 figs.  So now I have entire bags of each.

2 open bottles of red wine and 1 of white.  We are total wine snobs and will not drink old, open wine.  So how come we always put the cork back in and refrigerate them??  Also, some ciders left over from the last time Gillian brought some over.  When was that??  It's been months.  And months.  And months.

Honestly, that's about it!  So I guess we really don't have any food in there.  Unless you count the boarder line science experiment bags of veggies in my crisper.  I was kind of embarrassed to find them in the state they were in so I didn't mention them.  Okay okay, who am I kidding....I couldn't tell what vegetable they were, so I didn't mention them.  Also, did I throw them out upon discovery?  No.  If I did, I would have had to clean the crisper drawer.  And that makes me gag.  Don't judge me.

Family

Okay, so first off....I know, I suck at blogging.  I just find myself busy....and forgetting....and okay, this week, for reals, I worked 50 hours and I was totally SICK the entire week.  Like sick, sick.  Not like "man cold" sick, because obviously I'm not a man and also I continued my life.  Which is what you do when you are a mom (or maybe it's just the way women work? Not trying to man bash here, just stating the facts.).  So I worked all week, spreading my germs around and coughing and snotting and my ears are so plugged I swear I can hear my hair growing.  I mean, thank GODDESS for my amazing husband, who kept the home front running while I worked till 8:30 or 9pm every night of the week....and my baby didn't sleep much so we were up with him most nights while he teethed and cried and nursed in our bed.  LONG week.  Okay...so that brings me to the real reason for this posting........family.

Family.  Mine consists of me and four boys.  That's right....count'em.....FOUR.  Don't get me wrong...I love each and every one of them (most days) but I still have these delusions about what we can and can't do with our family of weiners.  Take today for instance.  Beautiful sunny day......proD day so no school....and the kids are being as sweet as they can (not very) so I think "Let's do something all together!". 

That was my first mistake.  Spontaneously planning to do something with all three kids is a stupid idea.  It's an idea that obviously I had because I'm still sick and the amount of snot in my head is making me crazy.  But you know when you like picture it in your head....how lovely it's going to be....just like the TV shows or movies!  The mom all cute and non-tired with her 3 lovely, well behaved, rascally kids.  Off to do something only a real true loving family could do in a magically, Disney inspired way! 

So I think "I've been sick all week and haven't ran since Monday.....let's get the older boys to ride their bikes and I'll take the baby in his stroller and jog and we'll go down to Johnny's to get a treat!".  Now Johnnys is a little gas station/grocery store FYI and it's about 3kms away from our house and it's packed full of candy like those places often are!  And the boys LOVE to go there and get treats!  How lovely!  La di da!!

 Mistake number two.  I plan a GIANT reward at the end of an impossible task, basically setting everyone up for failure.  Why?  I'm crazy?  I don't know. 

So off we go!!  Get the bikes and the stroller and we frolic outside!  I even wore a cute running outfit cause that's important in my delusional fantasy's...that I'm always cute.  I give the stern, yet loving lecture about staying close to me while riding bikes...off the road....don't get too far ahead....and this should be fun!  We head down the driveway.  Going good.  The redhead is anxious to get out on his bike and he's got a bit of energy that needs to be burnt off.  The oldest is only whining a little about how his 11 year old legs are just a bit tired of peddling already, because he hasn't rode his bike yet this year.  And the baby only got his finger stuck in the stroller tire once so far!  We can do this! 

Mistake number three.  Of course we can't.  Remember?  This isn't Disney.

Fast forward 2 minutes and 33 seconds.  The redhead rides his bike a bit too close to the soft dirt side and WIPES OUT!  I keep running...."You're okay....you're good....up, let's go!  No blood!" I lie.  He believes me somehow....visions of candy aisles in his head and gets back on!  Another 50 seconds pass and I'm getting into the groove and the redheads chain pops off his bike.  "WAIT!" he screams.  Oh for fu............okay, I pause my running timer and stop and hanker down on the pavement to fix his bike.  The chain is rusty and impossible to put on.  My cute running outfit is getting dirty and I'm close to swearing at the bike chain.  We wrestle a bit and thankfully get it back on.  OKAY, LET'S GO.  Couple more minutes and I hear a clump clump clump clump.  The oldest has decided his legs are just too tired and he'll just run beside me (bumping me all the way) while holding onto his bike.  Cause that's more restful.  "I'll just walk a bit and then catch up!" he yells.  Fine so we keep going.  The chain pops off again.  Seriously????  So again, I plop down on the pavement and we struggle to get it back on.  I'm covered in greasy rusty chain gunk and Gavin is crying he's tired and Kohen is yelling at him to stop being a baby and the wind is blowing the stroller (with the baby) in it down the road.  We finally get going again......and the chain falls off again!!!!!  A fortis worker pulls over.  It's a lady.  She yells out the window "Need a hand?  I've been there Sister!".  I wave her away cheerfully...all while swearing under my breath.  The boys are both crying now.  And I can't for the life of me get the chain back on.

Ring ring

Barry - Ola!

Me - Are you on your way home yet? (I'm slightly hysterical)

Barry - Umm....(he can sense my hysterics)....I'm almost on my way.  Why?

Me - Because we're stuck on the side of the road....blah blah Kohen....blah blah effing bike chain....blah blah I just wanted a run....blah blah why can't anything just be nice??

Barry - *big sigh* I'm on my way.

So I tell the boys "well, you can just go with Barry then.  He'll pick you up." And now they're REALLY crying....I mean, they wanted Johnnys!  Gavin says "would you buy us some stuff??" I say NO....I'm not stopping.  I'm mad.  And it's not at them.  I mean, it's not their fault the chain kept falling off.  Or Gavin couldn't keep up (wait....that is kind of his fault....for petes sake.....it's a 10 minute bike ride.....) but I'm so frustrated at my fantasy vision being a total hoax.  I'm almost crying myself and the boys hunker down together and struggle with the chain.  It's fixed!  They are ecstatic!  We can go now!!  I'm still frustrated....it'll just keep coming off....this is ridiculous, but I breathe and say fine, we'll go as far as Johnnys (a block away) and then Barry can get you there and take you home.  And as they boys disappear down the amazing candy aisle, my knight in shining armor walks in, smirking at me.  I can read his mind "you're crazy for attempting this" but he just says "we'll see you at home." and he takes over with the monsters and me and the stroller head for home.

I mean, good try, right?  But nothing ever happens as lovely as I imagine it as happening when it comes to doing things with my boys.  It's not their fault, but I just need to realize that this isn't a movie...or an after school special....this is real life.  And this is my real life.  And these are my boys, lord love a duck.  And I wouldn't change a thing.  Except maybe I'd have a nanny.  And be rich.  And have perky breasts.  But that's it.