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Friday, 5 October 2012

The Apple doesn't fall far from the tree...especially when the tree is only 5'2"

So yesterday morning....this happened...

I'm running around the house frantically trying to find something to wear to work.....okay, now you're all shutting down.  Your eyes are moving over the words but you've stop reading them.  All of you are thinking "Shannon, yes, many a story from you have started this way.  We get it, you're a train wreck who hasn't learnt how to dress yourself.  BORED." but I promise you, this story gets better!  Well, sort of.  Great, now I've fluffed it right the fuck up and you're going to be let down.  Okay, it's okay...just take my hand, we can do this together.  Here goes....so yesterday, picture this (not to detailed okay?)....I'm running around my house, pants on (high waisted from american apparel...even as a half dressed train wreck, I'm on trend) and a blue leopard print bra and that's it.  I can't find a shirt to wear to save my life.  So perhaps there's one on the pool laundry table?  I run downstairs and I'm all over the place.  Lenny (new 3 year old...well, not new like we just found him at a bus stop somewhere but like newly turned 3 year old....why are you all so confused this morning??) is following me around whining about how he wants to go to schoooooooool!  He's got his back pack on and is dressed and shoes and coat and yes OKAY I see that my three year old is more organised then I am.  But in all fairness, does he need to put on makeup?  No?  Well drop it.  Lenny is on and on and on about let's go mom...blah blah school...we're late crazy lady....okay the last part I just made up but I'm sure he totally thought it.  I say "not yet Lenny!  Mommy is getting dressed!" and he of course argues "You ARE dressed!" which I guess to a three year old, who thinks running around butt naked most of the time, I did look pretty overdressed.  I continue "mommy needs to finish getting dressed...I need clothes on!" and Lenny marches on over to me, grabs my pant leg, looks me right in the face and says "Look here stupid!!" ............................ now here's the thing, every SINGLE person who I told that story to yesterday all said the same thing, "well, we sure know they're your kids Shannon"....every single one of them.  So my three year old calling me stupid is something that somehow shows a genetic trait?  Is swearing and going on like a trucker (sailor, roofer, hairdresser, city worker....whomever, I'm not prejudice) a genetic trait?  Can you be born with a swear gene?  My poor mother right at this moment is phoning me to give me the great lecture on how she NEVER swore when we were kids....which is true.  Actually, my dad didn't either.  I can still remember the moment as a kid when by accident I saw (not even heard) my dad swear and it was terrifying.  I was pretty young and could read (genius, I know...) and I came across a sign the band guys had made....and it was in my dads neat printing and said "If you're not in the band, don't fuck with the equipment" or something like that....and I was shocked and dismayed!!  This from my father!  As I got older and started hanging out with my dad a bit having some beers, I quickly learnt what kind of language he had.  And it was language saved for places like the bar, a group of guys, the studio, the golf course and I felt pretty cool that I was accepted enough to be a part of the secret swear club.  So okay, stupid isn't really a swear...but for a three year old, it's a pretty out there word!  And yes, he probably learnt it from me, I'll say that first and foremost....and yes, the seven year old has some choice language as well which OKAY MAYBE sort of came from me too......and I was thinking about my new years resolution for this year coming up (stop snickering) and I was thinking I should make it something that really will make a difference in our house and make the language skills improve and show my kids how to be calm and how to express themselves without having to turn to bad language....I think I'm going to try Valium.  Ha....just kidding....bet you thought I was going to say I'm going to stop swearing?  Fuck no.