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Wednesday, 18 December 2013

An old blog started but not finished from a million years ago....full of urine.

This morning was one of those mornings.  You know the ones where you threaten to move away and leave everyone behind?  Go join the circus, or become a carnie or something.....lose a couple teeth, start doing some know, carnie folk style?  Not saying all carnies are toothless drugies, but the ones who usually hit on me at the fair are soooo.....anyways I had one of those mornings and it was not pretty.  It all started out with the realization that instead of cleaning up after supper last night, I sat at the table with Nicole and got drunk instead.  Whoops.  So then there was supper mess all over the kitchen AND I'm nursing a slight hang over.  No biggie, I'll just unload these clean dishes from the dishwasher and reload it, wash a couple things and BAM, good to go!!  Upon opening the dishwasher I realize it's decided to up and die on me.  Like, it's busted. now I have all the dishes from supper as well as an entire dishwasher full of dirty dishes to wash.  My poor dish pan hands!  As I'm slowly working through that, the youngest comes into the kitchen with such stories as "I'm hungry...feed me....I want chocolate milk....Kohen peed in the garbage can in the toy room....put a show on for me!" and in all honesty, I was 99% certain Kohen had NOT peed in the garbage can because even though he's a brat, he wouldn't have a death wish that early in the morning.  So I chocolate milk him and put a show on and keep washing my dishes.  A little while later I hear the boys arguing about something in the toy room and overhear Kohen say "there's pee on the floor!!" and so I head on in there and Kohen says "Lenny peed in the garbage can!!" and Lenny is yelling "YOU DIDN'T SEE ME!" which is his new way of denying something that he did indeed do.  So I ask him if he peed in the garbage can and he attempts to say no but is really bad at lying (thankfully!) and yes, yes he did.  I have a look in there, there's a bag at least and garbage and now everything is covered in urine.  Lovely.  It's also all over the floor and garbage can itself because he's not very good with his aim. So now I have an entire kitchen full of dirty dishes, a smelly broken dishwasher full of dirty dishes and a garbage can in my computer room that smells worse then a back alley dumpster on East Hastings on a hot summer day.  Oh and don't forget about the hangover!!!  Joy!!!  But I guess all this is only fair....karma has a way of finding us, even years after the fact.  A story from my childhood was quickly brought to my attention by my sister upon telling her of this event....

My mom dreamt of an ensuite.  The space was there, it just needed to be built.  I swear that bathroom was in a constant state of being built my entire childhood.  She wanted it clean and white and tranquil and hers.  My Deada came by one day with a gift for her....a new tub and surround for her ensuite.  He got a great deal on it, basically for free!  With three young kids at home and one income in the family, how could you go wrong with free?  He confessed it had a bit of a flaw, a small crack running through the surround that could easily be fixed.  That was it's only issue.  Upon unveiling it, my moms dreams of a tranquil gorgeous bathroom were quickly murdered....the giant tub/surround was yellow.  Like a greeny yellow....pee yellow if you will...chartreuse?  Gaudy, bright, horrendous pee yellow.  So once that tub got installed, much of the rest sat unfinished while she tried to plan how to work that yellow tub into her design plan.  An impossible task.  Me and my sister were having a bath in there one evening...just for the novelty of it.  The rest of the bathroom was unfinished...roughed in but nothing else was there.  We were probably 6 and 8?  7 and 9?  My sister had to pee but there was no toilet and I wasn't letting her pee in the tub.  There was a cap covering the plumbing drain for where the toilet would eventually go.  Looked like a little cup.  Just pee in there, I suggest.  She's having none of it.  I of course nag and nag her to do it....promising it would be fine...I wouldn't tell...nobody would know.  My sister wasn't very adventurous but could quite often be talked into something by myself.....who could sell an idea to anyone.  Eventually she caved.....had barely squatted and started to pee in the drain cap when.......MMMMOOOOOOOOMMMM TIFFFFFFY IS PEEEEEEEEEING ON THE FLOOOOOOOOOOORRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Annnnnnnnnd then Tiffy had to use a bucket and a cloth to soak it up and clean it up and I sat in the tub pretending I wasn't quite sure what had happened there.  So my dear friend karma, touché.  

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