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Tuesday, 27 September 2011

Grumpiest Morning Ever

So this morning I had the GRUMPIEST morning ever.  Which I guess I've already summed up in the "title" so I didn't need to repeat myself.  Whatever.  It's my morning and I can be as grumpy as I want! 

Do you ever like....have a plan for how something is going to go?  Like this magical Disney movie type scenario in your head, with all these little amazing details planned out....then you get to the execution of the plan and it all just goes to shit?  Like, all of it.  Shit.  That's kind of how my morning went.  Last night I had these grandeur plans of waking up my darling sleeping children, making their lunches (in a jaunty apron with little blue birds flying around my head helping me like tie the twist ties and singing and shit), gently coaxing them out the door only to stand on the porch and giggle while shaking my head slowly cause the youngest rascal forgot his lunch and is running back to fetch it then we'd laugh and laugh......coming back into the house and enjoying a steaming mug of perfectly brewed coffee, plugging into my iPhone and going for a run in the crisp mountain air (also adding 5 minutes to my overall run time with little or no effort), coming home feeling refreshed and dewy with sweat  dew drops and sunshine, having a steamy shower and then starting my magically awesome day.  That was the plan.  I don't understand how it could all go so wrong?? 

What really happened...

Tried to rouse the kids while they cried that they were too tired and fought me all the way.  Went to make coffee and found out there was NO coffee.  At all.  Well, okay, that's a lie.  There was a random bag of I don't even know what grounds of coffee from I don't even know when that I'm sure is mostly dust now and I couldn't bring myself to drink it cause it smelt like old people and despair.  Fought with the kids about every aspect of their morning while shhhh'ing them every 2 seconds because the baby was still sleeping.  Cried.  Finally kicked them off to the bus, locked the door.  Still no coffee.  Baby still sleeping.  Expecting husband home from work any minute with coffee...get a text that he's running way later then he thought and he's nowhere near coming home, with coffee.  Cry more.  Give up on morning and go back to bed.  Sleeping baby still in bed, all warm and cuddly which is a plus.  Crawl into bed and baby's diaper gives out and feel a warm puddle of pee down my arm/pj's/clean new fresh sheets/body.  Fuck.  Get up and phone my mom in tears to ask for coffee.  Drive over there in my pj's and messy hair with baby crying in van.  Mom laughs at my outfit and I die a little inside.  Finally get home to make coffee and moms special mix of beans is weak and not yummy.  Drink 1/2 pot anyways.  Give up on dreams of run and stuff myself with bagels and chocolate cookies.

So as you can see, all though my reality morning and my dream morning were close to one just didn't come together.  As my dad always says "close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades" so there's that piece of wisdom.  Now to go change a crappy diaper and turn up the furnace to spite my husband.

Thursday, 15 September 2011

Random iPhone Notes

So every once in a while I have an interaction with someone, or over hear an interaction that I immediately HAVE to write down cause I think, man that shit is good!!  So I whip out my handy dandy iPhone, and pop it into my notes....where I promptly forget about it.  So the other day, for some reason, I start scrolling through my notes and find all sorts of stuff.  Some of it, I don't even know why or what.  It's like a random word and I wonder why the me entering that note EVER thought "Oh ya, I'll know what I'm talking about!" because at the best of times, I don't know what I'm talking about!!!  So I thought I'd share...a few good....a few random....a few confusing.

Okay so the first 2 notes are about wine.  SIGH!  Seriously.  One titled "wines we enjoy!" and I even have that jaunty exclamation point!  Ya!  Wine!  A better list would have probably been "wines we don't enjoy" and then I could have put like a :( or something....and included only this - homemade wine.  Now don't get all huffy all you homemade wine makers.  If it floats your boat, then I'm happy for you!  But it sinks mine.  And I'm okay with that.  And now we're not even through one note and I'm being judged for being a snob. So I've included the wines "Southern most patagonia 2006 Argentina" and "terra andina cab merlot 2007 Chile" and "funky llama" and other then the funky llama, I don't believe I ever pulled out this note again to look for these wines.  AND it's dated 2008-11-10.  I'll be sure and save that one.

And 630 days ago I posted "Very Hollywood Michael Kors" which I'm assuming is a book??  But that's all I have...and I never looked at it again.

And a few months ago, my loving husband told me this little bit of wisdom over a beautiful supper....and it seriously cracked me up.
                 "Once in a while, you come home early and that's a treat.  Once in a while you come home early in a good mood, and that's a treat!  Once in a while you come home early in a good mood.....and I'm in a good mood......*pause* *deep thought* *realization*......and that's how we get pregnant.  We should both get second jobs."

And can you see why I love him?  Sweet as they come!!

Camping this summer.....down at the playground with out kids and Lenny is making goo goo eyes at these 2 girls (12ish? 13ish?) on the swings.
          Girl 1 - AW ISN'T HE SO ADORABLE???  Hi little guyyyy!!  Hiiiii litttllllleee guuuuuyyyy!  Awwwww JUST adorable!!!
          Girl 2 - Yeah.  He's..........adorable.
          Girl 1 - And that's why I'm a babysitter!  Right there!
          Girl 2 - And that's why I'm NOT a babysitter!  I mean, kids are cute....but kids are ANNOYING!

And I thought.....yeah girl 2!  I get you!  I GET you! 
Deepest connection with a random stranger.  I got her.

I have a bunch of "shopping list" notes, a couple "Christmas list" notes and a MILLION notes telling me who to text, facebook or phone back with regards to making appointments.  Also one random note that says "damask" and I don't know why.  But it says nothing else.  Mystery?

Tuesday, 6 September 2011

Summer....just when you're really warming up to her, she friggen up and leaves.

So summer.  Where the heck did it go?  I know I know.....everyone is saying this.  And I guess we were just so busy this summer, and with the slow start on the weather, it just seemed to fly by.  So what did we do this summer?  When my clients ask me this, my first answer is "worked" which is true....but when I really think about it, we did lots more!!!

Birthdays, parties and dinner guests - I honestly wish I would have counted the amount of red wine bottles we've accumulated this summer.  It would make you disgusted.  You would stop reading my blog and next time you saw me, possibly throw sticks or rocks or something.  Sure, the odd few would move in, living out of our basement, sneaking up every evening with a wine goblet or vase or something.  But most of you would cry for our poor childrens education funds and livers.  I mean, we had help drinking them all.  Lots and lots of helpful help.  We had a few birthday parties, we had lots of out of town guests, we had the work crew over, we had Mexican night and we threw many a dinner party!  So really, I guess all the red wine bottles, it's not us.  It's you.  All of you.  And you should all be disgusted with yourselves.

-Barry's little *ahem* procedure - yup.  Totally got his nuts snipped.  So he was off his feet for a few days making sweet sweet love with a couple bags of slutty peas.  I played nurse (minus the awesome Naughty Nurse costume...why wasn't I more prepared??) and found out that trying to keep all the kids from jumping on his junk challenging. 

-Camping - we camped.  For 5 nights.  It was...........good.  Busy.  But, there was one or two nice relaxing moments.  I'm not sure why camping always seems like this amazing get away.  It is SO busy.  Between the prep and packing and hauling everything out there and setting up and trying to keep things clean and you wash dishes like 294372 times a day and then the pack up again and hauling everything back just to wash laundry for the next six months and not even be caught pretty much sucks....really.  Like if you were from another planet and someone had to describe camping to you, pretty sure you'd get in that space ship, and never come back.
                                                                   Alien - Camping?  What's that?
                                                                   Me - Well, you try and pack up everything you might possibly need for the next few days and buy food that could go bad at any second because it's crammed into a little box with a few ice cubes and then you haul it all out to the dirt somewhere and like, live there.
                                                                   Alien- But why?
                                                                   Me -  Oh you know, cause it's SO relaxing!  I mean, the trips back and forth to haul water, and the washing of dishes and cleaning of the site and the freezing cold mornings and peeing in the bushes and constant screeching of birds and trying to keep everything away from bears or wildlife and the ticks and bugs and bees and mosquitoes and sun burns and freezing cold lake and trying to keep an almost 2 year old in one camp spot even though there are wide open spaces all around us and you's a good time!
                                                                    Alien - fuck.  You people are stupider then we thought.      

And now I'm stumped.  Is that all we did that is monumental?  Man.  That's a sad list!  I mean, of course we had a visit from my Aunt from Ontario and that was lovely!  OH we had an outdoor movie night!  And that was AMAZING!  Such fun!  We invited some neighbours and my moms family all came and we set up lawn chairs at my parents house.  My uncle brought a projector and we watched HoodWinked.  Gavin and his friend made popcorn and served everyone in individual paper bags and we sat outside with a glass of wine and watched the movie.  Even the little kids watched and it was such a neat thing to do!!!
The garage door made for a great movie screen!

We also had a quick trip to Cranbrook and my mother in law made a quick trip here.  So I guess we did do a few more things.  I'm sort of excited get back to routine.  Back to getting up in the mornings and going to bed early in the evenings.  The kids were totally bored anyways and I think they both were excited to go back to school.  I know in a week, I'll be bitching about lunches and all that school related stuff, but for today, I'm going to have another cup of coffee in my quiet house and be okay with summer being over.