This months topic I found kinda funny because I actually have written a blog post before on the topic of smell. It's something I obviously think about without prompting. I find my sense of smell to be pretty keen and I probably have more smells that I dislike, then smells I like. But, when I really think about this subject, I'd have to say my favourite smell is that of a newborn baby. And I'm talking like that perfect moment when your newborn hasn't spit up all over the place and it hasn't been a week since either of you saw the bath/shower and it's hair is matted down with your armpit sweat from nursing all night long while laying down.....and the newborn doesn't smell like sour milk from all the times while nursing you doused and almost drown your baby when your milk came down and it's like the worst flood you've ever seen.....and the baby reels back surprised and pissed off and you wind up spraying down everything in a 5' radius. Now that all describes what newborns smell like the majority of the time......but I'm talking that moment when none of this has happened and your baby smells sooooo sweet and faintly of baby shampoo and you could just sit there with your nose buried in it's little neck folds or on the top of it's head for days. And your baby looks up at you with the cutest smile....and you know that smile can only mean one thing......and then your baby fills it's diaper and sweet time is over. Why are babies so gross? If you could bottle that perfect baby smell, and just like sniff it whenever you felt like leaving your baby on someone elses doorstep, I think that would be a clever idea. And what is wrong with me? All this talk of nursing and I swear my milk just let down. Anyone need a wet nurse?
Wonder what our other monthly members like smelling? Check it out here....
Okay....I'm going to set up a little scenario. Now, I'm not saying there is any truth to this at all....maybe it happened to a friend or cousin of mine...or maybe I saw it on TV....but hypothetically could someone guess how much therapy is going to cost me someone in the future? Here goes....
What if your 3 year old son decided his new favourite "prize" was a tampon applicator? And this son decided to pack it around for days everywhere he goes and even sleep with it? On a scale from 1 to Britney Spears kids, how scarred is he going to be? And maybe you have evidence of this happening on the cutest little video clip ever? Just wondering....you know.....for a friend.
Fffiiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnneeeeeeeeeee you got me. It's my son. Yes, Lenny is packing around a green tampon applicator and him and it slept in our bed last night. Now before you all start eww'ing and gross'ing can I just point out that IT'S CLEAN!!!! AND UNUSED!!! And no need to call social services on my ass! This is what happened....it was all very innocent.....so I was trying to go to the bathroom ALONE, something that is a harder feat then spotting Big Foot, and Lenny was right beside me trying to stay and visit. And it's that time of the month so I really wanted some privacy. I was trying to shoo him out and he was getting ready to throw himself down crying and he spotted something in my hand. It was a black wrapper of an unopened tampon. I saw he spied it and was curious so I did what any mother would do....I threw it into the hallway, waited for him to chase it like a dog and then slammed and locked the bathroom door. Brilliant right?? Upon coming out of the bathroom I see Barry filming Lenny and realize he's opened the tampon up and taken the white part out from the middle and is super happy going off about how it's his "prize" and it's "the bestest prize ever!!!" and showing Barry all the different things you can do with it.....so far that thing has been a horn, item that boings, needle, and finger hat amongst other things. He hasn't let it out of his sweaty little hands. And probably in a couple days, he'll find something new to play with, unused syringe or condom in a wrapper, and forget all about his favourite tampon prize. But until then, is there any harm in letting him pack it around? Just LOOK at this face!!!
Oh hi there! Yeah yeah yeah....it's been a while since I've written anything. And it's been killing me, honest!! But there is just NOT enough hours in the day for me to do everything I want, and some nights, the couch and a glass of wine kidnap me and render me helpless to do anything but try not to spill when I nod off. So I thought I'd do a little kid update, because usually this is the first question people ask me......following close second is "are you getting younger? you sure look like it!" and rounding up third is probably "what's your secret to being so amazing?" but first is usually about the kids. My colourful classy kids! So here goes...........
Kohen - Okay so no, I'm not going in order. Well maybe I am....but it's not the order one would assume. I'm starting with the kid who probably has the most to update on. Why? Because he's a train wreck, that's why. So here goes. Kohen, Kohen, Kohen. Had our first teacher requested meeting a couple week ago. Now most parents would be upset and shaking their heads about such a meeting but Barry and I were high fiving in the parking lot of the school that we made it 6 whole weeks into this year before such a request was made! That's good time in Kohen's world! He's also been to the principals office more times then we hear about I'm sure....and honestly, I never really know if it's because he is in trouble that much, or if he likes to hang out with Leanne the principal because she is gorgeous and sweet. That boy does have a thing for blondes. So apparently Kohen has been having a hard time with the new school....between that and the new sitter....and new teachers....and new friends....he's a bit of a disaster. He's picked up some new language and is using it at every chance he gets (don't even say it! You may think it but if one of you suggests the language comes from me then I will find you and fuck you up...I mean.....explain to you that it probably does not)...he's also made a couple new friends and one of them has language that makes even me blush so let's all blame the 7 year old. He was grounded from his bike this summer too from a time when he rode it with Nicole and I while we ran......apparently the game is "see how close I can get to the white line on the road and stick my foot over the white line on the road whenever a car passes". Neat hey? So after Nicole yelled at him 294 times to get away from the white line and I yelled at him 28472 times, he continued choosing to not listen and rode right up and over the line and almost got creamed by a truck. Bye bye bike!! But it hasn't all been bad......the majority of weeks at school he does get at least equal "happy face to sad face" ratio from his teacher. He also is doing really amazing in hockey this year and having a blast! And he's befriended half the kids at the trailer park and is turning into some kind of creepy leader and I'm pretty sure they're building a space ship in my basement, he's also started making a lot of kool aid................no? Too far?
Gavin - Ah our new teenager. What is it with 13 year old boys and BAM smelling like ass all the time? Where's my sweet smelling baby?? I guess if he changed his clothes every now and again.....also, what's with that??? At least change the socks kid! Gavin has now started at the high school...which I was terrified about....but he seems to really honestly enjoy it. I think he really likes the bit of freedom and independence. He was all excited he could walk to subway on his lunch....or him and The Geek Squad his friends walk to someones house at lunch hour....probably to geek out to some video games or something. He still has his girlfriend....but we don't hear much about that....and I'm kind of okay with that! He's getting really great grades in school....probably helps that every teacher he has is either a client of mine, or I know personally....so he was read the riot act upon starting school to be awesome or else I'd find out! But I have a feeling this is the wrong kid to worry about. He's such a funny guy....this year for Halloween he wanted to be a "bed sheet ghost"....so he leaves it till the very last minute (surprise surprise)...and then relies on his dad to go and buy him a white sheet from the thrift store....no wait, first he wanted to start cutting up my sheets and then when I said no, wondered aloud if Nana would let him cut up hers. So in the end Kev goes to the thrift store and buys this like......cream colored table cloth material scrap of fabric....you know the type of table cloth material that like has that sheen to it? Like silky almost? And the fabric is so small that this thing barely covers him. He was stoked on it, even though he looked like such a tool. And for the first year, he chose to go out with his friends and not us. We dropped him off downtown and picked him up a few hours later. I worried that maybe they'd be screwing around and not trick or treating...which is probably what I would have done if it was me at his age...but no, he came home with the biggest bag of candy ever! So it's safe to say they were actually going door to door.
Lenny - This kid has become a real jokester. He's picking up words galore and using them every chance he gets....such beautiful catch phrases like "look here stupid!" and "Aaaaahhhh she's/he's/it's/we're/you/re DEAD!" and "Kohen! You're a poo poo head!" so that's all been real fun and cute. Honestly though, he's a really funny kid. He's still pretty easy going and has started preschool this year. Side note....one kid starting high school while one is starting preschool....boy we really didn't think that one through. Where was I? Oh right....preschool. He LOVES school! And most days I can find him standing by the front door in his pj's with his pink princess backpack on yelling "I'M GOING TO SCHOOL STUPID!" even if it's not a school day. Such a little rascal! He's in the same class as his older cousin Ethan and that's been a really cool thing to see the difference in them. Ethan isn't a very big guy, but he's smart like Stewie and loves his music. Now Lenny is a big ol'truck....smart like ummm...white bread? If I could imagine what kind of smarts white bread would have....it would be like....simple smarts? Yeah, white bread...what you see is what you get. Not a ton of nutrition but it won't kill you to live off of? Hmm....this analogy is a tough one this morning. Moving on...............let's just say the kid can't count to 5 yet. Well, I mean he can....hold up 5 fingers and he'll tell you "Oooonnnnneee.....twooooo......threeeeee......six, seven, nine!" and there you have it! But I mean, at 3.5 years of age, who needs to know how to count to 5 right? Another good example of the differences between him and his cousin......one day at school they had to glue pieces of colored macaroni pasta onto a piece of paper. Now Ethan must have glued 294784628 onto his....the paper was bowing in the middle, strained under the weight of glue/pasta...you could hardly even see the paper underneath for all the intricately placed macaroni so that he could fit the maximum amount on there with them all just fitting into the curves of the other juuuuuust so, it must have taken him allllllll class to do......now Lenny came running out with his macaroni art paper.....there were literally 4 pieces of macaroni glued onto the giant sheet of paper. Four. I think that pretty much sums it all up.
So there you have a quick update of 3 of the 4 of my boys. As for the other one and myself....yep, we're doing alright. Busy and hectic and Barry is just waiting for me to go to Vancouver so he can put up the Christmas lights in peace without me yelling at him about being careful on the ladder. It's for your own safety Barry! YOUR SAFETY!!