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Sunday, 19 August 2012

Seriously, 2 year olds....and i'm not just being dramatic.

Lenny is almost 3....and luckily, we never really experienced the "terrible twos" with him.  But as we approach three, it's like a switch went off and WHAT THE FUCK he's into everything.  The worst part about it is, he's one of those quiet trouble makers.  He's a ninja of mass destruction.  So the other morning, I'm in the shower upstairs and Barry is downstairs in the kitchen on his laptop doing some work.  I get out of the shower, go and get dressed and head back into the bathroom to brush my teeth.  On the way out I step in something wet and slippery...and white and kind of frothy.  It's like a spray across the floor.  Now everyone please get their head out of the gutter.....I know I tend to post inappropriate things, but seeing how this is about my two year old, let's not go there.  Ha!  You all went there didn't you??  It's okay...I did too.  Moving on....instantly I'm like "LENNY??!!" and Barry yells that he's downstairs.  Hmm...strange but okay!  I finish up upstairs and head on down and realize that every wooden tread of every step on my staircase is also covered in a white well as my duvet and duvet cover that are hanging on the railing.  What the heck?? So I keep going......and Jesus Jones it's EVERYWHERE.  The hard wood floors leading into the living room.....the couch.....the coffee table....the side tables.....the kitchen floors.....the cupboards.....a stool in the kitchen....a bunch of shoes......the dining room floor.....a nice white splat on the back of every fabric chair in my dining room......the walls......I'm running room to room at that point, tears welling up realizing it's absolutely on every surface and every item in my entire house.  Kohen runs up to his room and yells down "IT'S ON MY BED AND ALL MY POKEMON CARDS AND MY TOYS!  AND A PICTURE I DREW THAT WAS MY FAVORITE PICTURE...LIKE....IN SCHOOOOOOOOOOL!" and Lenny meekly comes into the kitchen and says "it's okay!  I put it back!" and I realize that he's tagged my entire house with SPF 60, waterproof sunscreen in a spray can.  Now can I please emphasise the word waterproof.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to clean waterproof sunscreen off of every item in your house??  I tried wiping up the kitchen floor which only made it smeared and shiny and slippery and overall worse...looking at the clock realizing I still had no makeup on and it's 9:20am and I have to leave in 10 minutes and I just start crying.  Barry takes over cleaning up and shoo's me away to get ready.  Now this all wouldn't have seemed so destructive if the night before Lenny hadn't dumped an entire jumbo size can of chocolate milk powder all over the kitchen floor.  The day of the sunscreen, I get a text from Barry, who's at home with the darling children while I'm at work;

Barry - Lenny just dumped half a jug of milk all over the kitchen floor.  I'm going to lose it.

We're still finding places that little ninja tagged a couple days later....dry crusty white puddles of sunscreen.  The only method of removing them at this point......a spatula.  But if I move the plants around juuuuuust so, I can cover them up alright!  Out of sight....out of mind!  Wait....where's Lenny??

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