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Friday, 10 June 2011

Awkward and I don't condone the running over of puppies.

So.....I think there is something wrong with me.  Like wrong with me!  I mean, pretty much, I'm a decent person.  I like stuff, and am nice mostly and say mean things only under my breath, mostly.  And I don't try to hurt people, or things and I don't enjoy when other people hurt people, or things.  Nice person, right?  So also, sometimes when I get nervous, or stressed, I giggle.  In really awkward and inappropriate times.  And the worst part about this is- it's usually odd enough to get someone else to giggle, and then you're in trouble.  And it's not that I'm giggling or laughing because it's funny, like funny ha-ha, but because it's just the way my emotional reaction has decided to come out in that form.  I remember this one time, at a funeral....not like a sad funeral but like a funeral of someone very very old who was very very sick and it really was a bit of a blessing that they had finally moved on.  Well, of course it was sad, but it wasn't like tragic?  Okay, now this example isn't even my example that I had planned to talk about in setting myself up for wrong-ness......but the more I write, the more scared I get!  Who talks about a non-sad funeral???  Did someone die?  Isn't that sad?  Get a hold of yourself Shannon!!!!  Anyways....my point was, as we were sitting there, off to the side in the family section at the funeral....

k wait.....now you're all "family section" and "not sad" funeral in the same story?  She's effed.

......and we were feeling very stressed about the situation.  And it was one of those Russian funerals where the singers all come out and sing and sing and sing for EVER and everyone is crying....well, not everyone cause also, at the Russian funerals, you have those who just come out for the social aspect.  Yes, I know that sounds kind of odd....but it's like a communal support group!  ANYWAYS......my dad and I realize that we are sitting in such a spot where we can see directly up the dead persons nose.  Like DIRECT.  And she had a fairly large nose....with fairly large nostrils.  And it's like a black void space....and what do they do with your nose insides?  And now we're whispering "what's up there?" and trying to hide giggles as sobs.....and yes, we're horrible people......but you laughed too thinking of it and now so are you.  But when you're just stressed like that....and your emotion doesn't know WHAT to do....sometimes this is the easiest way to get it out.  Highly frowned upon, but it just happens....and I cried too.....so I'm probably hopefully not going to become a seriel killer.  Right??

This other time......it was Christmas dinner.  And my Baba (Russian grandma) was leading us all in the traditional prayer before supper.  We were all standing, heads bowed and I happened to glance over and catch sight of my sister.  We were like maybe 12 and 10.....okay 15 and 13....okay so maybe it was only a couple years ago but I'm pretty sure we were young.  So I glance at her....and she kind of smirks....so I kind of smirk and quickly look away.  Everyone is still very seriously praying...like to god or whatnot....so I glance again.....and we giggle.  Uh oh.  So the more we try NOT to giggle....we giggle more.  Pretty soon, tears are RUNNING down our cheeks and we're full out laughing.  And we can't stop.  And my dad is yelling at us to be quiet and Baba looks horrified.  All just making the situation worse....and we just CANNOT stop.  So we get sent to our rooms.  At Christmas dinner of all times. 

So yesterday.......I laughed at someone posting that they had run over their puppy.

cue crickets chirping

Okay so see?  Doesn't that sound AWFUL!!!????  But in all fairness, they also said that it wasn't like the entire puppy....but maybe just the leg or paw.  And I really didn't find it funny!!!!  But it was just the way it was written...on their status.  So like matter of fact and out there.  And it was such a long day at work and I didn't eat lunch and our work environment has been a little stressful lately so it just like....came out.  Then once I realized what I had done.....of course I started laughing.  Out of complete embarrassment!  And awkwardness!  But then I couldn't stop.  And pretty soon I had tears running down my face.  And Gill just sat there, across from me, staring with a look of horror wondering if I had truly cracked.  And I swear, at that moment, I had!!!  And every time I'd stop laughing....I'd remember that I laughed at someone running over their puppy and I'd start again.  Oh my god.  I'm going straight to hell!!  So to try and like, I don't know....cover up the horrific nature of my giggle I choked out "One time my dad ran over my bike!" which doesn't really compare....of course, I know that!  Okay, so now I even went and scrolled through days of postings to find out about the puppy cause I felt really badly.....but it's okay!!  Just bruised!  Sooo....if you're reading this, not the puppy but the owner, send me your address....I'd like to send your puppy some get well soon flowers....or dog biscuits or a bone or something. 

So just to sum up.........running over animals is never funny.  And I laughed and feel badly and I think this means that I probably have an alien living inside me who will be busting out at any moment....if I like, feed it after midnight or water it on a full moon or something.  And if I wind up killing a bunch of people, or like maybe one person....or like my ex goes missing or something....you can all tell this story at my trial because it truly proves that I've been sniffing too many chemicals at work and have been probably possessed or something. 

1 comment:

  1. omg, you are truly entertaining..... puppy = not funny..... but the stories, had me howling

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