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Friday, 3 June 2011

You can teach a horse to drink....wait.....

So yesterday morning started out sadly for me.  Now before I get too far, I need to share that yes, it's that time of the month.  But like, not the beginning of that time when emotions are like crazy rampant, but like...sort of half way into that time of the month.  You know?  Okay, so now that all the men have probably stopped reading......yesterday morning was sad. 

While scrolling through facebook (I bet a many good stories start out this way...) I came across the status update of this lovely girl whom I basically said she was devastated, but in a much more poetic/heart wrenching way.  Right away I text her "what's going on??"....and yes, in this day and age, I texted her instead of calling first.  Mainly because it wasn't even 8am yet so I don't like to phone people, and also because she has a phone phobia and so we only use it for true emergencies.  Which this probably was......anyways....where the heck was I??  Umm....oh I text her.  She replies and shares that she has had her heart broken.  Again.  By the same douche canoe asshole mother effin disgusting piece of dog crap asshat guy.  So here was my first instinct - get my hackles up and protect those I love.  My second was to try and make her see that it's for the best, of course, that he's off doing what ever else douche canoes guys do. Now the history of this heart break is that he's one of those "bottle of shampoo" type guys.....lather, rinse and repeat.  Okay, so maybe not the first two exactly in that way....but the repeat part.  And he thrives on it.  He's a bit older, and much'm going to say "worldly" but this isn't quite the right word cause it makes her sound like a bumpkin.  But, he's just been around more and played the game longer i guess?  So he knows exactly what he's doing.  She's got like that young, first love thing happening....that puppy crush that makes you want to throw yourself from a cliff every time it happens, but never hesitate to go back and relive all the drama time and time again. 

Fuck you couldn't pay me to go back to those years!!!!  And yes, we all have to go through this.  But I always think like, if I could share my wisdom with you (ha! wisdom!) then it could be like that saying "If I knew now what I knew then" cause, you would know now what you knew then, cause I just told you!!  But I've now come to the conclusion that even if you could know now what you knew wouldn't do a damn bit of good.  We have to live through these things....these experiences that make us who we are...I guess.  And it sucks.  Especially when you are watching someone you love go through them and you just want to say STOP, spoil the ending, and move on over a nice glass of wine. 

So I was a bit more forceful this time (remember, shampoo type guy).  And I hope it didn't offend but I really questioned why she kept going back for more?  Why he could be so verbally and emotional cruel to her and yet, she would always go back and always let him do it again.  I told her how much we loved her and how I wished she loved herself.  I pointed out the hate she had for other boys who had done similar things to those SHE loved....and why couldn't she value herself enough to be as worthy as them??  I was in tears, fighting for all the things that made her so amazing, that she gave to him to crush and break over and over again.  I just wanted her to feel her see that she was see what he was doing to her.  Like drug just see the good.  The few measly times it makes you feel good, you hang onto that and magnify it so it becomes the reality.  I sobbed at her "sorry" and realized I was making her feel badly....when I was trying to do just the exact opposite.  "Bull shit!" I told sorry here, just love yourself and get mad!!!  Get mad at all of it!  Get mad, and remember it!  Get mad and take yourself back! 

I asked Barry's opinion....what do I say!?!  I want her to realize that she's awesome and he's a loser.  And the ever wise Barry says......

"And she's got years to go.  You can't be mad!  Just let her know you can lead a horse to water but you can't hold it's head under and say "right here TONTO!"
And of course, he's right.  Except for the Tonto part....cause I actually think that was the faithful Indian companion....which is now making that advice sound really not right....or good......but if you take the rest of that's basically good, solid advice.  And I am here for her....and I know she knows that.  And if I ever run into that guy, I'll break his nose so bad......but if for some strange reason, you hear of like this guy getting his nose very badly broken and they don't know why or who, just forget you ever read this...ok??  And also his car gets set on fire, ya, then just forget I said anything.  Oh?  I didn't mention that part?  Well good then, and I won't.  Soooo........................a sad morning.  And i've been notified today that now she's mad.  So that's a good sign.  It's moving through the stages of grief, and maybe one of these trips back up from the bottom will be the last trip......because she bloody well deserves to move up and stay up.  And i'm there for her, and I've been there myself.....we all have.....and it still sucks. 

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