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Wednesday, 22 February 2012

The Penis.....and if you are related to me, think twice about reading this...also if you are under the age of legal consent.

Okay so I've been out of the whole "dating loop" for a long time.....about 10 years to be exact.  And, things have really changed in the last ten years.  For example, cell phones.  Now saying that is making me sound like I also walked up hill both ways to school when I was a kid, but it's true (not the hill part, but the change part).  When Barry and I were first dating, he got his first cell phone.  It was GIANT and did him NO good because he only knew a small handful of people who also had cell phones and really, you only used them to phone.  There was no texting, picture messaging the novelty quickly wore off.  Facebook wasn't rampant then either....there was no "facebook official" dating status or pictures to tag.  In my opinion, things were much easier....less confusing anyways!!  And I'm glad to say I'm out of the dating loop because Jesus, Mary and Joseph you couldn't pay me to date nowadays!  All tho, if you did pay me to date you, my husband may be okay with that.  While talking bills and budget the other night after a couple bottles of wine, he did mention that if I started having sex with a few of my clients, I'd make more money....I think he was kidding and I'm pretty sure he meant sex like in a metaphor for stimulating conversation....which I have with my clients already so maybe that's not it.....anyways, I'm sure he's not condoning prostitution but back to my original point....which was.....I lost it.  So back to my original original point......


Okay ladies, am I right?  Or am I horribly old and a prude and obviously a nun?  Like, does this do something exciting for you??  Now don't get me wrong, I'm okay with penises....(and if my mom is reading this, maybe just pretend like I'm talking about something else, nod, smile and skip to the end)...I wouldn't say the sight of a penis really does anything spectacular for me.  They're kind of funny looking really.  And so quirky....does it shift left.....point right....bend....have a hat on.....change colours....all sorts of different things.  It's hard to really take any guy seriously when they're standing there pointing that thing at you that instantly brings me back to childhood.....not penises in my childhood let me just stop you there....but you know those things behind the doors?  The door stops?  The ones on the springs that you hit and they SPROING back up and make an amazingly annoying sound?  Do you not just want to run over and give it a whack expecting the sound?  Okay no?  Just me?  Mooovvinnnggg a girl, would you ever sit around on the internet googling pictures of penises to like, get off?  I kinda think no.  So why oh why would a guy think that texting a girl a picture of just his penis, with no other "hey how you doing?" would get him somewhere?  Is it code for like, I'm ready?  Sext me (another thing that I don't really get). Or is it just reverting back to all little boys fascination with hanging on to their wang for good luck and playing helicopter when they should be peeing.  Am I totally out in space here??  I know the old myth about guys being more "visual" when it comes to turn ons is truly a myth and ladies are just as much visual creatures too.....but does that do it for you?  Or do we all just smile and pretend like we enjoy it as not to hurt their little feelings?  C'mon ladies, tell me your feedback!!  What is up with getting a penis picture?  Do you like it?  Or do you show it to all your girlfriends and giggle?  And lets face it, these pictures of penises being texted are not like Ron Jeremy sized or anything....they're just your average dongs....or smaller....not that size matters to anyone...okay, that's a lie....size does matter to some but I guess there's a way to like, take a picture and have it look bigger?  Maybe like next to a doll hand pretending it's like, your own hand or something? I'm just getting creepy.....


  1. I may be old as well but I totally agree. But as a man has told me they send them to us in hopes we would send them one in return. But they dont realize that we dont want to see their dongs lol.

  2. ewww... glad i wasn't eating lunch when i read this. it CERTAINLY doesn't work for me. a picture of a vagina wouldn't work for me either... although, i'd rather receive a picture of that than a picture of a penis....
    it's just too bad that even the most beautiful of women don't have the same body confidence as the homeliest of men.