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Monday, 9 May 2011

Family

Okay, so first off....I know, I suck at blogging.  I just find myself busy....and forgetting....and okay, this week, for reals, I worked 50 hours and I was totally SICK the entire week.  Like sick, sick.  Not like "man cold" sick, because obviously I'm not a man and also I continued my life.  Which is what you do when you are a mom (or maybe it's just the way women work? Not trying to man bash here, just stating the facts.).  So I worked all week, spreading my germs around and coughing and snotting and my ears are so plugged I swear I can hear my hair growing.  I mean, thank GODDESS for my amazing husband, who kept the home front running while I worked till 8:30 or 9pm every night of the week....and my baby didn't sleep much so we were up with him most nights while he teethed and cried and nursed in our bed.  LONG week.  Okay...so that brings me to the real reason for this posting........family.

Family.  Mine consists of me and four boys.  That's right....count'em.....FOUR.  Don't get me wrong...I love each and every one of them (most days) but I still have these delusions about what we can and can't do with our family of weiners.  Take today for instance.  Beautiful sunny day......proD day so no school....and the kids are being as sweet as they can (not very) so I think "Let's do something all together!". 

That was my first mistake.  Spontaneously planning to do something with all three kids is a stupid idea.  It's an idea that obviously I had because I'm still sick and the amount of snot in my head is making me crazy.  But you know when you like picture it in your head....how lovely it's going to be....just like the TV shows or movies!  The mom all cute and non-tired with her 3 lovely, well behaved, rascally kids.  Off to do something only a real true loving family could do in a magically, Disney inspired way! 

So I think "I've been sick all week and haven't ran since Monday.....let's get the older boys to ride their bikes and I'll take the baby in his stroller and jog and we'll go down to Johnny's to get a treat!".  Now Johnnys is a little gas station/grocery store FYI and it's about 3kms away from our house and it's packed full of candy like those places often are!  And the boys LOVE to go there and get treats!  How lovely!  La di da!!

 Mistake number two.  I plan a GIANT reward at the end of an impossible task, basically setting everyone up for failure.  Why?  I'm crazy?  I don't know. 

So off we go!!  Get the bikes and the stroller and we frolic outside!  I even wore a cute running outfit cause that's important in my delusional fantasy's...that I'm always cute.  I give the stern, yet loving lecture about staying close to me while riding bikes...off the road....don't get too far ahead....and this should be fun!  We head down the driveway.  Going good.  The redhead is anxious to get out on his bike and he's got a bit of energy that needs to be burnt off.  The oldest is only whining a little about how his 11 year old legs are just a bit tired of peddling already, because he hasn't rode his bike yet this year.  And the baby only got his finger stuck in the stroller tire once so far!  We can do this! 

Mistake number three.  Of course we can't.  Remember?  This isn't Disney.

Fast forward 2 minutes and 33 seconds.  The redhead rides his bike a bit too close to the soft dirt side and WIPES OUT!  I keep running...."You're okay....you're good....up, let's go!  No blood!" I lie.  He believes me somehow....visions of candy aisles in his head and gets back on!  Another 50 seconds pass and I'm getting into the groove and the redheads chain pops off his bike.  "WAIT!" he screams.  Oh for fu............okay, I pause my running timer and stop and hanker down on the pavement to fix his bike.  The chain is rusty and impossible to put on.  My cute running outfit is getting dirty and I'm close to swearing at the bike chain.  We wrestle a bit and thankfully get it back on.  OKAY, LET'S GO.  Couple more minutes and I hear a clump clump clump clump.  The oldest has decided his legs are just too tired and he'll just run beside me (bumping me all the way) while holding onto his bike.  Cause that's more restful.  "I'll just walk a bit and then catch up!" he yells.  Fine so we keep going.  The chain pops off again.  Seriously????  So again, I plop down on the pavement and we struggle to get it back on.  I'm covered in greasy rusty chain gunk and Gavin is crying he's tired and Kohen is yelling at him to stop being a baby and the wind is blowing the stroller (with the baby) in it down the road.  We finally get going again......and the chain falls off again!!!!!  A fortis worker pulls over.  It's a lady.  She yells out the window "Need a hand?  I've been there Sister!".  I wave her away cheerfully...all while swearing under my breath.  The boys are both crying now.  And I can't for the life of me get the chain back on.

Ring ring

Barry - Ola!

Me - Are you on your way home yet? (I'm slightly hysterical)

Barry - Umm....(he can sense my hysterics)....I'm almost on my way.  Why?

Me - Because we're stuck on the side of the road....blah blah Kohen....blah blah effing bike chain....blah blah I just wanted a run....blah blah why can't anything just be nice??

Barry - *big sigh* I'm on my way.

So I tell the boys "well, you can just go with Barry then.  He'll pick you up." And now they're REALLY crying....I mean, they wanted Johnnys!  Gavin says "would you buy us some stuff??" I say NO....I'm not stopping.  I'm mad.  And it's not at them.  I mean, it's not their fault the chain kept falling off.  Or Gavin couldn't keep up (wait....that is kind of his fault....for petes sake.....it's a 10 minute bike ride.....) but I'm so frustrated at my fantasy vision being a total hoax.  I'm almost crying myself and the boys hunker down together and struggle with the chain.  It's fixed!  They are ecstatic!  We can go now!!  I'm still frustrated....it'll just keep coming off....this is ridiculous, but I breathe and say fine, we'll go as far as Johnnys (a block away) and then Barry can get you there and take you home.  And as they boys disappear down the amazing candy aisle, my knight in shining armor walks in, smirking at me.  I can read his mind "you're crazy for attempting this" but he just says "we'll see you at home." and he takes over with the monsters and me and the stroller head for home.

I mean, good try, right?  But nothing ever happens as lovely as I imagine it as happening when it comes to doing things with my boys.  It's not their fault, but I just need to realize that this isn't a movie...or an after school special....this is real life.  And this is my real life.  And these are my boys, lord love a duck.  And I wouldn't change a thing.  Except maybe I'd have a nanny.  And be rich.  And have perky breasts.  But that's it.

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