The Apple doesn't fall far from the tree...especially when the tree is only 5'2"

So yesterday morning....this happened...

I'm running around the house frantically trying to find something to wear to work.....okay, now you're all shutting down.  Your eyes are moving over the words but you've stop reading them.  All of you are thinking "Shannon, yes, many a story from you have started this way.  We get it, you're a train wreck who hasn't learnt how to dress yourself.  BORED." but I promise you, this story gets better!  Well, sort of.  Great, now I've fluffed it right the fuck up and you're going to be let down.  Okay, it's okay...just take my hand, we can do this together.  Here goes....so yesterday, picture this (not to detailed okay?)....I'm running around my house, pants on (high waisted from american apparel...even as a half dressed train wreck, I'm on trend) and a blue leopard print bra and that's it.  I can't find a shirt to wear to save my life.  So perhaps there's one on the pool laundry table?  I run downstairs and I'm all over the place.  Lenny (new 3 year old...well, not new like we just found him at a bus stop somewhere but like newly turned 3 year old....why are you all so confused this morning??) is following me around whining about how he wants to go to schoooooooool!  He's got his back pack on and is dressed and shoes and coat and yes OKAY I see that my three year old is more organised then I am.  But in all fairness, does he need to put on makeup?  No?  Well drop it.  Lenny is on and on and on about let's go mom...blah blah school...we're late crazy lady....okay the last part I just made up but I'm sure he totally thought it.  I say "not yet Lenny!  Mommy is getting dressed!" and he of course argues "You ARE dressed!" which I guess to a three year old, who thinks running around butt naked most of the time, I did look pretty overdressed.  I continue "mommy needs to finish getting dressed...I need clothes on!" and Lenny marches on over to me, grabs my pant leg, looks me right in the face and says "Look here stupid!!" ............................ now here's the thing, every SINGLE person who I told that story to yesterday all said the same thing, "well, we sure know they're your kids Shannon"....every single one of them.  So my three year old calling me stupid is something that somehow shows a genetic trait?  Is swearing and going on like a trucker (sailor, roofer, hairdresser, city worker....whomever, I'm not prejudice) a genetic trait?  Can you be born with a swear gene?  My poor mother right at this moment is phoning me to give me the great lecture on how she NEVER swore when we were kids....which is true.  Actually, my dad didn't either.  I can still remember the moment as a kid when by accident I saw (not even heard) my dad swear and it was terrifying.  I was pretty young and could read (genius, I know...) and I came across a sign the band guys had made....and it was in my dads neat printing and said "If you're not in the band, don't fuck with the equipment" or something like that....and I was shocked and dismayed!!  This from my father!  As I got older and started hanging out with my dad a bit having some beers, I quickly learnt what kind of language he had.  And it was language saved for places like the bar, a group of guys, the studio, the golf course and I felt pretty cool that I was accepted enough to be a part of the secret swear club.  So okay, stupid isn't really a swear...but for a three year old, it's a pretty out there word!  And yes, he probably learnt it from me, I'll say that first and foremost....and yes, the seven year old has some choice language as well which OKAY MAYBE sort of came from me too......and I was thinking about my new years resolution for this year coming up (stop snickering) and I was thinking I should make it something that really will make a difference in our house and make the language skills improve and show my kids how to be calm and how to express themselves without having to turn to bad language....I think I'm going to try Valium.  Ha....just kidding....bet you thought I was going to say I'm going to stop swearing?  Fuck no.

This snap show brought to you by our friend PMS.

I woke up this morning....and my eyes were pretty much glued shut.  They were swollen and sore and puffy in a way that only a couple hours of ugly crying can do.  Why ugly crying?  Well, let me tell ya a little story!  Now this story requires a little set up.....here goes.....it's that time of the month.  Okay?  Got the scenario?  Now for the snap show.  So yesterday, I wound up working late, which I don't usually do on Wednesdays, and that fact alone messed up my entire day.  All morning I thought I was going into Thursday....the clients I was imagining were my Thursdays clients, the time I started and finished were my Thursday times etc....so I show up for work and I'm actually on time!  Hooray!  I brag about this fact to Nicole, sit down and look at my schedule and realize I'm actually an hour early.  I don't start till 11.  Great, good start.  So I dick around for an hour until my day gets underway and all of a sudden I realize I forgot to bring myself any dinner (because I'm working late) and also any lunch....and my stomach is growling and apparently I've forgotten to eat breakfast too.  Huh.  Would have had time for that seeings how I was an HOUR EARLY.  So if anybody knows me, they know that lack of food makes me reaaalllllyyyy squirrly, and not in a good way....no cute little fluffy squirrel for me, no no no....I'm a rabid flying squirrel who is waiting to launch myself at your jugular and eat through your heart.  Lovely right?  So I'm mixing colour and Nicole says "why are you crying??" which I'm not....yet.....but apparently lack of food makes me super emotional too.  A bi-polar, rabid squirrel waiting to claw your eyes out.  Now throw PMS into the mix and WHOA man....shit just got serious.  So somehow I make it through my day, barely, and even manage to get to the gym, where I proceed to attempt some new stuff and realize I haven't been in a while and I'm sore and grumpy and ow.  Then I have to go from there to pick up Gavin from dance so I fly up, barely making it on time, to Turning Point at the other end of town, then back to work to close up and cash out and then off to home.  So I'm sweaty, stinky and sore from the gym.  A nice hot shower and bed!  I ask Barry if he bought toilet paper and toothpaste today, cause I had texted him that we were out in the morning.  Now, we've actually been squeezing empty toothpaste tubes for a few days....cutting the tops off and trying to scoop out every last little bit, always forgetting to buy a new tube somehow....never mind the fact that Barry works in a grocery store, so it's usually up to him to grab this stuff before coming home.  Barry says "didn't even cross my mind" and I get in a huff and say that I had texted it to him, along with lunch snacks...which he GOT....so if he got the text about lunch snacks, he got the one about toilet paper and toothpaste.  So now I'm even more grumpy.  I GUESS I'm going up to SAFEWAY (end of town I just came from) to get toothpaste because I would really LOVE to brush my teeth today or tomorrow.  I storm out and head on up to Safeway and it's like 9:30pm by the time I get there.  I'm tired, sore, grumpy and then I realize, I don't have a fucking quarter for the shopping carts.  Like seriously, a quarter is enough to guarantee someone isn't going to steal it??  I mean really, to me, .25 is a pretty good bargain for one of those shopping carts!  Think of everything you could haul around....empty wine bottles, full wine bottles, other liquor bottles...really, the possibilities are endless!  Mmmm....liquor.....wait, where was I?? RIGHT, so no quarter.  So there I am, carrying a giant, large, embarrassing amount of toilet paper (it was on sale) and 3 boxes of toothpaste (also on sale) and with every step dropping one of the boxes and having to pick it up while swearing, trying to get to the self checkout.  So I scan all my stuff through and the stupid self checkout is all "unexpected item blah blah" so I'm lifting things and trying to place them on the side and the lady has to come over and help me and I'm reaaaallllly annoyed and finally I can pay!  I dig through my purse.....no wallet.  What.  The.  Fuck.  So I ask the lady if she can hold my stuff, I obviously left my wallet in the car!  Yeah, that's it!  Halfway across the parking lot and the realisation that my wallet is in my gym bag at home and I looooooooooooooose it.  I start sobbing.  Like, my entire family was murdered by a rabid squirrel type sobbing.  I'm trying to get to my car before anyone sees me and I'm blinded by tears and kind of running in an awkward my ass hurts from too many squats at the gym way.  I get in the car and melt down.  I'm wearing a big sweater of Barry's so I'm using the sleeves to wipe at my eyes and nose, smearing mascara and snot and tears all over my face.  I manage to get control of myself enough to drive home, but I keep hiccuping sobs and having to wipe my eyes, making a giant mess.  I finally get home and don't even bother to compose myself.  I head straight up to bed and cry myself to sleep.  Over toothpaste and toilet paper?  Not really I suppose, but when PMS is in full force, what better reason is there to ugly cry for a couple hours?  This morning Barry made a very small attempt at a joke regarding leaving ones wallet, but I think the death glare scared him into silence.  Maybe tomorrow we can joke....maybe. 

Real Men Wear Pink

Oh back to school.....so much to do!  We went through all the motions last week buying school supplies and a couple new outfits for the boys.....new gym shoes and backpacks.....which actually brings me to something here real quick like, backpacks.  Now, I always let the kids pick out their own.  And yeah, lots of times they aren't the most practical of back packs....why do they ones with the best Disney pictures have the LEAST amount of padding and pockets?  Just one big open compartment for everything to get mangled together...books squishing their lunches and that one corner ALWAYS ripping open eventually spilling pens and garbage on their walks home.  This year was no exception.  Kohen wanted this "Hockey Canada" backpack....and it had a horribly small one large compartment.  Gavin wasn't with us so I picked him out a very practical one, with tons of padding and lots of room for all the binders he's going to have to pack to high school.  All my practicality went to waste when he showed up after a trip to the states with my sister with a name brand backpack, smaller then Kohens.  And our dear boy Lenny, who's starting preschool this year gets a backpack too.  I bring down a couple Cars ones....do you want the red car or the tow truck?  He stands there debating in the way that only 2 year olds can....while holding his junk and ignoring you.  He scans the wall of backpacks in walmart and screams "THIS ONE!!!!!" while excitedly running over and grabbing the one he wants for school!  Instantly I have to put it on his back and he proudly goes running over to show Barry. 

Yes, this is the backpack that he picked out.  Why?  Cause it's pink....his absolute favorite color.  Barry and I stand there having a loud argument over letting him buy this one for school....mostly consisting of "you can't let him buy that!" "oh yes I can!" "no you can't!" over and over and over, both of us kind of laughing, but laughing in that way that's like "I dare you to make this a thing!".  In the end I shove the back pack into the cart explaining that this is going to be the only time in his life where he doesn't have to be "gender specific" and I'm not going to stifle him!  And for those of you early morning assholes who are now laughing cause I have three boys and this was my last chance at a girl....those assholes who remember that Lenny also has a large baby collection and a pink princess hair styling kit....I know who you are.  And when I see you next, I'm going to punch all of you because that fact has nothing to do with stifling my last male child's wants and letting him blur the gender lines and if he wants a princess backpack then mama's gonna get him a princess backpack!  Shut up.  SO MOVING ON (I didn't want a girl you know.....I'm happy with my boys......just saying.....) we get up to the check outs and unload our hundreds of dollars worth of back to school shit.  The lady is ringing it through and I'm making conversation with the people waiting behind us.  It takes like half hour to check us out and as the last of the items are going, I scan and count one backpack....two backpacks...........and that's it.  Where's Lennys?  No pink back pack already went through?  My eyes dart around the check out and there I spot a glimpse of a pink backpack sticking out from under a gum display at the beginning of the moving belt.  BARRY!!!!  I scold him and dig it out making a big display.  The couple I'm chatting with get awkward as we argue over our son having a pink back pack and we all just smile nervously at one another.  I'm glaring at Barry and he's laughing at me.  We head out to the car and I look down on the ground and somehow that backpack has managed to flip OUT of the shopping cart and is laying in the parking lot......for fuck sakes BARRY MOORE!  And finally all three backpacks are in the car and we can head home.  My mom sees the back pack and freaks out too.....he can't carry that to school!!!!  Which makes me even more determined that YES HE CAN!  I ask my sister, who's a teacher, and she says it's fine....I even go so far as to ask his preschool teacher, who also says it's FINE and possibly we'll start a trend!  Now just to pacify those who think it's a bad idea, yet keep the pink backpack for Lenny, I have altered it slightly and I think this works for everyone.....

Oh those princesses never looked better!!!

My Baby...yes I'll call you that till I die, get over it.

So today my baby is off to high school.  Even typing those letters causes my stomach to knot up and a lump to work it's way into my throat.  Yes, Gavin is now officially a teenager and going to high school.  How the fuck did that happen?  I mean, seriously??!!  Excuse the language so early in the morning but I think when one of your spawns that you expelled through your loins....forever leaving things in such a way that they never return from.....decides to become a fucking teenager and go off to high school....well, such language is a fucking must.  I want to say it just seems like yesterday and he was a baby....but it didn't really.  Things have been pretty busy since then.  But he's kind of been in a perpetual state of like, 8 or 9 to me.  Gavin was always a super bright, funny kid.  Right from the get go, we knew he had brains.  His dad would come home from work and get out a notebook and mark down all the new things Gavin was doing....his little brag book...asking all the while "do you think other kids are doing this yet?  Probably just Gavin!" to which I'd nod politely and agree....mostly because his dad was a bit of an egotistical moron at times (love you Kev) and it was just easier to agree, but I did know that Gavin was going to really be something special.  And yes, of course all parents say that about their kids, is what you are thinking right now.   But no!  No, that's not true.  Take Lenny for example....our third baby boy....I am the first person to admit that that kid isn't the brightest light in the room!  Now now, don't get all up in a huff!  I can hear my sister now "Shannnnnnnnon!", but it's true.  I mean, this kid has more personality then any grown person I've met, never mind 2 almost 3 year old, but sheesh, he's lacking a bit in the smarts.  Take for example, gravity.  Yes, a little difficult to figure out?  Gravity is forever Lenny's worst enemy.  He regularly throws things up into the air, hard as can be.....metal things, trucks, books, toys......only to watch them fall right back down again and smash into his face.  Note the word "regularly"....and he's just as shocked and surprised every time that this item has caused him pain.  Yet, one day in the not so far away future, he will do it again...and again.  And maybe by the time he's 5, he will learn NOT to do it....but we'll see!  Just like flapping his little arms....Lenny, it doesn't matter how hard you flap those suckers, they will not carry you from your perch on the coffee table to the couch when you launch yourself towards it face first. Then there's our middle kid, brains galore!  Yet, we only get glimpses of the genius inside....usually sandwiched between two demonic acts.....hey mom!  Sacrificed the neighbours cat!  Oh and I figured out how to read Latin.......DROVE THE CAR INTO THE POOL!!!  So we don't always notice his smarts so much.  But Gavin and I have always had a bit of a "different" relationship, and I think it's because it was just him and I for a bit after me and his dad split up.  That mixed with the fact that even at 2 years of age, I could sit and hold a completely intellectual conversation with him.  I had a friend comment one time that we're more like siblings sometimes, which I suppose is probably true.  I trust him and know that he's developing into a decent, lovely, polite, smart human being.  So high school shouldn't be so scary. For the others, I pushed three boys into this world, the least I can do is hope for two of them to become decent men.....right?  I mean, I'm sure Kohen will get his fair share of fan mail from those creeper women who love writing letters to prison inmates!  Haha kidding (?)!

Monthly Blog Group.....What I LOVE About Summer

Ahhhhhhh summer!  That sneaky little whore.  She shows up late, and already is showing signs of leaving the party early.  There's lots of things I adore about her.....but mostly, my FAVORITE thing about summer is NOT having to get my kids up for school in the mornings!  School mornings are hell.  I am not a morning person anyways so those days when I have to get them up and out the door at some ungodly hour like, 7am 4am or whatever time it may be....and it's still night time practically and I have to get out of my warm comfy bed.....it's not pleasant.  Gavin is just like me and I have to beat him out of bed, while Kohen has been up with the birds and already causing trouble and picking on everyone before we've even had a chance to have our coffee.  Then I have to try and get them fed....which is always a chore.  The options from day to day don't really change much; frozen waffles, toast, cereal, oatmeal.....yet every day I have to go through the entire list several times before they settle on the same friggen thing they eat every day.  Two bites in and it's time to brush their teeth because I hit snooze too many times they're really slow moving and that brings on a battle.  Most days I whip out the ol'mom trick "bring me your toothbrush so I can see if it's wet!" and of course it's wet, they ran it under water but didn't actually brush so it's a stupid thing that every parent does.  Now it's really fun when it's time to get back packs ready to go and shoes on.  Why does one shoe go missing every time?  Just one.  Like one shoe got taken off at the door, and then they wandered around for a while and took the other one off days later at some random part of the house, like under a cabinet or behind the curtain or something.  Oh and I almost forgot....LUNCHES!  I HATE making lunches!  Nobody likes the same things.....pb&j sandwiches it is, 365 days a year then!  You don't like it?  Make your own stupid lunches!  Annnnnd great, the bus is due to arrive in 4 minutes and they're still looking for a missing shoe.  I finally get them out the door and am yelling at them to RUUNNNNNN for goodness sakes RUUUNNNN cause if they miss the bus, I'm gonna snap show.  Sigh........the back to school countdown is on and it makes me sad.....summer, stay a little longer okay?

Please check out what my fellow bloggers love most about summer...
Andes Cruz: http://
www.andescruz.wordpress.com
Kathleen Krucoff: http://
mysticalmythicalmetalwork.wordpress.com/
Barbara Donovan: http://
barbaradonovan.blogspot.com/
Beth Cyr: http://
bcyrjewelry.blogspot.com
Robyn Hawk: http://flyviewsandreviews.blogspot.com/

Seriously, 2 year olds....and i'm not just being dramatic.

Lenny is almost 3....and luckily, we never really experienced the "terrible twos" with him.  But as we approach three, it's like a switch went off and WHAT THE FUCK he's into everything.  The worst part about it is, he's one of those quiet trouble makers.  He's a ninja of mass destruction.  So the other morning, I'm in the shower upstairs and Barry is downstairs in the kitchen on his laptop doing some work.  I get out of the shower, go and get dressed and head back into the bathroom to brush my teeth.  On the way out I step in something wet and slippery...and white and kind of frothy.  It's like a spray across the floor.  Now everyone please get their head out of the gutter.....I know I tend to post inappropriate things, but seeing how this is about my two year old, let's not go there.  Ha!  You all went there didn't you??  It's okay...I did too.  Moving on....instantly I'm like "LENNY??!!" and Barry yells that he's downstairs.  Hmm...strange but okay!  I finish up upstairs and head on down and realize that every wooden tread of every step on my staircase is also covered in a white spray....as well as my duvet and duvet cover that are hanging on the railing.  What the heck?? So I keep going......and Jesus Jones it's EVERYWHERE.  The hard wood floors leading into the living room.....the couch.....the coffee table....the side tables.....the kitchen floors.....the cupboards.....a stool in the kitchen....a bunch of shoes......the dining room floor.....a nice white splat on the back of every fabric chair in my dining room......the walls......I'm running room to room at that point, tears welling up realizing it's absolutely on every surface and every item in my entire house.  Kohen runs up to his room and yells down "IT'S ON MY BED AND ALL MY POKEMON CARDS AND MY TOYS!  AND A PICTURE I DREW THAT WAS MY FAVORITE PICTURE...LIKE....IN SCHOOOOOOOOOOL!" and Lenny meekly comes into the kitchen and says "it's okay!  I put it back!" and I realize that he's tagged my entire house with SPF 60, waterproof sunscreen in a spray can.  Now can I please emphasise the word waterproof.  Do you have any idea how hard it is to clean waterproof sunscreen off of every item in your house??  I tried wiping up the kitchen floor which only made it smeared and shiny and slippery and overall worse...looking at the clock realizing I still had no makeup on and it's 9:20am and I have to leave in 10 minutes and I just start crying.  Barry takes over cleaning up and shoo's me away to get ready.  Now this all wouldn't have seemed so destructive if the night before Lenny hadn't dumped an entire jumbo size can of chocolate milk powder all over the kitchen floor.  The day of the sunscreen, I get a text from Barry, who's at home with the darling children while I'm at work;

Barry - Lenny just dumped half a jug of milk all over the kitchen floor.  I'm going to lose it.

We're still finding places that little ninja tagged a couple days later....dry crusty white puddles of sunscreen.  The only method of removing them at this point......a spatula.  But if I move the plants around juuuuuust so, I can cover them up alright!  Out of sight....out of mind!  Wait....where's Lenny??

Favorite Time Of Day...this months blog group topic!

This one blog topic answer is probably a given.....I'm sure if I were to ask out loud "what is Shannon Koochins favourite time of the day?" that every single person in the room would yell out the same answer...let's try, just for fun......ready??  I'll give you a sec to clear your throat...maybe a sip of water?  Some vocal exercises?  Miii miii miii miiiiiiiiii.....okay annnnnnnd here goes.....

What is Shannon Koochin's favorite time of day??  All together now.....

WINE'O CLOCK!!!

Yay!  You all did so good!  I'm so proud of each and every one of my little groupie wino's!  Leave me your email and I'll send each and every one of you a personalised compliment saying how great you seriously are!

So yes, it's true....my favourite time of day is indeed wine'o clock.  Now for those of you who are maybe a little more in the closet with their drinking, or maybe you prefer something other then wine, I'll explain what exactly time of day that is.....now here's the beauty of it.....wine'o clock is whatever the fuck time you deem it to be!  8am?  SURE!  10pm?  Well OKAY!!!  Or perhaps one of my favourite wine'o clock memories in recent history, it was around midnight.  Me and Nicole were on our trip to Kelowna and were attempting to drink off slight hangovers and major sleep deprivation alllllll day long.  It was slow moving.  We started with an early lunch and sangria...we went out for dinner, continued to attempt to drink it away....even going for drinks after dinner....it wasn't happening.  We decided it was time to head back to the hotel to go to sleep.  Upon getting into bed, we decided a glass of wine might be in order and that one glass at that exact wine'o clock was the one that cured everything!  We were hilarious....laughing and joking and drinking boxed wine till who even knows what time!  Occasionally one of us would put their glass down and perhaps close their eyes for a moment and the other would ask "another glass?" and the answer was always "Yeah!  Heck yeah!" and it continued. 

So you see, wine'o clock is a pretty flexible time of day....but whenever it rolls around, hands down, it's my favourite!!


Please check out these other fellow bloggers and their favourite time of day...
Andes cruz: http://www.andescruz.wordpress.com
pencilfox marie: www.pencilfox.comTosca Teran: http://nanopod.me/
Wendy Kelly: http://www.wendykianakelly.com
Robyn Hawk: http://flyviewsandreviews.blogspot.com/
Shannon yeah yeah okay Koochin: http://thebassplayersdaughter.blogspot.ca
Beth Cyr: http://bcyrjewelry.blogspot.com
Barbara Donovan: http://barbaradonovan.blogspot.com/