So it's almost my birthday. And you know what? I'm freaking the fuck out. Why you may wonder? Because I'm not "into" the whole like.....ageing thing. I think it sucks. And it's stupid and dumb and really, I have no need for it at all. AT ALL YOU HEAR ME??? I'm going to fight it all the GD way. And okay, before you say it, just shut up. I don't need to hear it! I need to whine and pout and cry and stomp my little (not really considering my freakish height) feet. I've heard it all.......age is just a number, you're only as old as you feel, 30's (or 40's depending on how old you are) are the new 20's blah blah blah fuckity blah. Okay, I get it....without ageing, we'd never get ahead, learn, change, grow.....but, I just am not okay with it!! I NEVER thought I'd be one of these types of people. I was that girl in my early 20's who'd make fun of people like this.....I'd exclaim in my stupid 20 year old valley girl voice "I can't wait till I have cute little smile lines around my eyes!"....man was I fooling myself. Once I hit 28, it was all a train wreck from there. I sobbed my way to 29 and then just when I thought I'd be okay with 30, I got worse. Just the thought of my birthday literally brings me to tears. AND I KNOW, it's okay....really. But sometimes I'm completely irrational and this is one of those times (bet you're surprised right?). And yeah, eventually, I'll probably get over it, and I'm looking forward to that moment, but for now, as my birthday approaches, I sit here and weep. Please don't ask me why....just "there there" me and keep my wine glass full!!! And shower me with gifts and love and affection!
Mind you, guys like the new sales rep I met today help somewhat. We started talking about myself and the subject of kids came up he asked how many kids I had. When I told him three, he spit his coffee out and screamed at me "HOW OLD WERE YOU WHEN YOU HAD THEM? 12?!?!" to which I replied quickly "11 1/2 actually" and then followed up with a marriage proposal....sorry Barry, but he's Italian too so I thought you'd understand. And to everyone I've ever complained about ageing too....I've only ever had one person who completely "got" me and I love her for it. One of my longtime clients....a beautiful woman in her 50's who raised 4 amazing, gorgeous daughters as a single mother....I was doing her hair on an April 8th, the day before I turned 30, and I said to her "well, this is my last day as a 20 something year old".....she turned around, put her hand around my hand lovingly, looked me right in the eyes and exclaimed compassionately "Oooooh honey! It's all fucking downhill from here." Yeah, she gets it. Gravity kicks in and it's allllllllllll fucking downhill from here. So to my upcoming birthday, STUFF IT! Thanks for listening......and if one of you tell me age is just a number, I will hunt you down and make you cry for your mothers.