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Tuesday, 6 March 2012

What is love? (crap, now I got that song from Night at the Roxbury stuck in my head)

So I woke up in the middle of the night like a bolt of friggen lightning with this amazing idea to blog about the subject "love".  I lay there awake, debating getting up and coming down to write while the blog unfolded in my mind.  It was magnificently worded, a picture weaving in and out with such a beautiful flow that it was almost like I could actually answer the question "what is love/in love" with my reasoning.  The words formed in my mind for probably 45 minutes and just when I finally decided that I should get up to write, I had to go and ruin my life by falling back asleep.  Now, here I sit, staring at the flashing cursor on my screen drawing a blank.  Awesome.  Now, why love you're probably asking....I mean didn't I just post yesterday my own love story, thus proving that maybe I somehow have something figured out about it?  I just....hear it a lot.....from friends, clients etc.....that search for love, or whatever it may be....the desire to fall in love.  And I don't know if it's the almost change in the season from dreary to spring, that all of a sudden everyone is looking for change and feeling lonely from the long winter.  I still think it's hard living here, meeting people...I don't know what it is exactly....the lack of places to actually go and do things with people who are in the same boat as you (if someone suggests fishing on the arrow lakes, I will fight you).....or if it's the small town thing where everyone you run into, chances are you made out with them awkwardly in high school at a bush party.  Or is it just part of that human thing, being evaded by love.  Oh and why do some people just like, walk right on it to it....falling in love at the mention of a coffee date and others, you'd have to beat them with your feelings for them before they'll even reluctantly try and return the sentiment.  And okay, I get it, trust is a big issue....but let's even pretend that trust doesn't exist anymore and just straight up, falling in love is the thing to do.  Still, I bet still, there's some people out there who just naturally have a wall that you have to chip away at bit by bit.  So what is "falling in love" and how do you know when you've done it?  Someone asked this question once before on facebook and I responded with "when it happens with the same person more then once" but can I distinguish between just loving someone and that moment when you realize you do love someone?  OMG this reminds me of a time in high school......hahahahaha....okay, I was dating Ryan....my first love....that total high school type love....I would have thrown myself off a bridge for him!  So we just are like starting to be "going out" as one does in high school and I'm out shopping with my mom and walking down the milk aisle and all of a sudden like a ton of friggen bricks I have this realisation that I LOVE him!  And I still, to this day, remember exactly what my feeling was at that exact moment....standing in Safeway with my braided pigtails, giant awful thrift store baggy pants, tie dye shirt, looking like a total skid and grinning like a complete idiot.  Have I felt that feeling again since?  Yeah, I'm sure I have!  Okay, take the teenage hormones out of the picture and it doesn't feel quite the same way anymore....I'd like to think I'm a big more profound then that!  I love being in love.  Don't get me wrong, I love my husband, but sometimes I have fleeting moments of love for others....like this one time, I was waiting for my halloween costume to come in the mail....and you all know how I feel about halloween...well, it was the last day that the mail would come before we were going out and I was freaking out and the mailman walked in at the last second with my costume and I swear I fell in love right then and there!  I said to him "you'd better get out of here cause I'm going to make out with you!" and he laughed and started to leave, then said "maybe I shouldn't!" and then it was just awkward.  Or, okay, confession time....I'm secretly a little bit in love with this mortgage broker Paul who we've used in the past buying houses.  Now, I've never actually met or seen Paul but he has the sexiest accent and I fell in love with him just talking on the phone!  It's okay, you can tell my husband...he knows I'm a floozy like that.  So what's your opinion??  How do you fall in love?  What's your love style?  Do you know when it happens?  Does it sneak up and surprise you?  Or do you keep it at bay, and not let it in.....fuck off love, not today!  

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