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Monday, 12 March 2012

OMFG 2 YEAR OLDS

Lenny is two....like, the number of years old, but also like the personality.  Over night I swear he has turned into a full blown two year old.  Yesterday.....he was into EVERYTHING.  And, I was home and right with him and he just found multiple ways to be a two year old.  For starters, he's beating up his brothers....his older brothers....his older, bigger brothers.  And not like a little bit, like he's bringing them to tears with his punches and kicks.  So that's awesome.  So yesterday he wants a bag of chips....an entire bag of tortilla chips...the big bag.  He's dumping them everywhere and I'm trying to wrestle the bag away and get him a bowl of chips.  So I grab a bowl which happened to be a glass salad bowl that is part of a set we got for our wedding....which okay yes, maybe not the best bowl but the kids are on spring break and eating cereal all day long and every other bowl I owned was dirty and in the dishwasher for the 537827th time and even Lenny had oatmeal for breakfast out of one of those gladware plastic dealies.  You've all been there so stop smirking!  ANYWAYS.....I give him this bowl of chips, which he's pissed off about cause he wanted the entire bag so I had to do the ol' pretend and give them another brother trick and then all of a sudden it's like crack and he HAS to have them. So he's sitting on the couch watching TV and all of a sudden SMAAASSHHHHH and Gavin yells "LENNNNNNNYYYY!" and there goes my bowl.  He pushed it off the couch in a throwing motion and managed to smash it all over the rug.  My lovely oldest boy jumps up, scoops Lenny out of the way and proceeds to clean it up AND vacuum for me (not the chips crunched all over the couch though but that's besides the point).  Moving on.....we're also semi-potty training....meaning he runs around naked a lot.  He's usually pretty darn good about announcing he has to pee, mostly because he loves to flush so I don't worry too much about him marking his territory all over.  So he comes motoring into the kitchen while I'm doing dishes, runs over to the rug by the front door and proceeds to PEE ALL OVER IT.  And like, not just a little....like, he's been saving this one up for a while.  He just stands there all naked with his little hips thrust out peeing in kind of a back and forth motion....I'm yelling "LEENNNNNNYYYYYY THE POTTY!!" and he's smiling away, making puddles.  And honestly, why the rug??!  We have hardwood floors and lino and he has to pick the one scrap of carpet for miles!  Great....a roll of paper towel later and I hear flushing.  Now I'm pretty sure he didn't just pee in there cause I'm still busy mopping it all up and then it's quiet....so of course I go RUNNING for dear life into the bathroom just in time to see that he's unrolled the entire brand new roll of toilet paper, tossed it all into the toilet and he's flushing it.  LEEENNNNNNYYYYY!!!!  My heart stops for a moment, waiting to see if it'll actually flush....swirling....swirling....okay phew....it's down and I've narrowly escaped having to wash my bathroom floor.  Okay, yeeesss I wash my bathroom floor....many times a week because in case you forgot, I live with 4 boys and there's always pee on it.  But at that moment in time, I was not really into it.  I hussle him outta there and he goes to play nicely (ha!) with Kohen.  I finish the dishes and again....quiet.  Fuck.  So I bust into the living room and there's Lenny, sitting on the couch colouring nicely.  No, not my couch, don't jump to conclusions.  He's sitting there holding his WIENER up and outta the way with his left hand and very carefully colouring his BALL SACK with an orange felt pen..*SIGH*  And you know what?  I let him finish.  And then I didn't even clean it off....I just let him run around bare clackers with a flaming orange ball sack.  Why?  Cause that's just the kind of mom I am.  After that, it was steadily downhill with the climbing on counters, eating half a bag of chocolate chips, drawing on the table and other things, but watching him do it all with bright orange boys sorta made it all the more comical and easier to deal with.  Maybe that's the answer to the worlds problems?  Colour your balls and people will let you get away with more cause you look so ridiculous that you can't help but smile with every flop?

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