Figure skaters ftw.

So I started another blog.  And it's actually pretty fun.  I'm posting all my outfit choices for the days and asking people to give me feed back on them!  So far everyone has been pretty nice, nothing rude or mean or anything!  Which, I'm not asking for rude or mean, but I hope I can get some genuine feed back from people.  I honestly don't have this amazing fashion sense, and I follow fashion only so far as a 30 something year old, 5'2ish mother from Castlegar BC can!  Which, isn't very well!  Shopping around here is pretty limited (as are my funds!) and clothing just isn't designed for bodies like mine!  But I enjoy putting clothes together and always have!  I can remember when I was probably 10ish.  Me and my bestie Charlotte were obsessed with watching figure skating.  And we'd oooooh and aaaaah over the costumes and always remark "I WISH I could just have all those costumes for my own!".....I didn't even (still don't) know how to skate!  We just wanted to like, wear skating outfits all the time...everyday...for every occasion!! 

And the obsession never really stopped!  For clothing that is, I eventually outgrew my obsession with figure skating outfits.  So if any of this seems at all interesting....follow my other blog too!!  And recommend either of them to your friends! 

http://fashionwhorenamedshannon.blogspot.com/

Grumpiest Morning Ever

So this morning I had the GRUMPIEST morning ever.  Which I guess I've already summed up in the "title" so I didn't need to repeat myself.  Whatever.  It's my morning and I can be as grumpy as I want! 

Do you ever like....have a plan for how something is going to go?  Like this magical Disney movie type scenario in your head, with all these little amazing details planned out....then you get to the execution of the plan and it all just goes to shit?  Like, all of it.  Shit.  That's kind of how my morning went.  Last night I had these grandeur plans of waking up my darling sleeping children, making their lunches (in a jaunty apron with little blue birds flying around my head helping me like tie the twist ties and singing and shit), gently coaxing them out the door only to stand on the porch and giggle while shaking my head slowly cause the youngest rascal forgot his lunch and is running back to fetch it then we'd laugh and laugh......coming back into the house and enjoying a steaming mug of perfectly brewed coffee, plugging into my iPhone and going for a run in the crisp mountain air (also adding 5 minutes to my overall run time with little or no effort), coming home feeling refreshed and dewy with sweat  dew drops and sunshine, having a steamy shower and then starting my magically awesome day.  That was the plan.  I don't understand how it could all go so wrong?? 

What really happened...

Tried to rouse the kids while they cried that they were too tired and fought me all the way.  Went to make coffee and found out there was NO coffee.  At all.  Well, okay, that's a lie.  There was a random bag of I don't even know what grounds of coffee from I don't even know when that I'm sure is mostly dust now and I couldn't bring myself to drink it cause it smelt like old people and despair.  Fought with the kids about every aspect of their morning while shhhh'ing them every 2 seconds because the baby was still sleeping.  Cried.  Finally kicked them off to the bus, locked the door.  Still no coffee.  Baby still sleeping.  Expecting husband home from work any minute with coffee...get a text that he's running way later then he thought and he's nowhere near coming home, with coffee.  Cry more.  Give up on morning and go back to bed.  Sleeping baby still in bed, all warm and cuddly which is a plus.  Crawl into bed and baby's diaper gives out and feel a warm puddle of pee down my arm/pj's/clean new fresh sheets/body.  Fuck.  Get up and phone my mom in tears to ask for coffee.  Drive over there in my pj's and messy hair with baby crying in van.  Mom laughs at my outfit and I die a little inside.  Finally get home to make coffee and moms special mix of beans is weak and not yummy.  Drink 1/2 pot anyways.  Give up on dreams of run and stuff myself with bagels and chocolate cookies.

So as you can see, all though my reality morning and my dream morning were close to one another....it just didn't come together.  As my dad always says "close only counts in horseshoes and hand grenades" so there's that piece of wisdom.  Now to go change a crappy diaper and turn up the furnace to spite my husband.

Random iPhone Notes

So every once in a while I have an interaction with someone, or over hear an interaction that I immediately HAVE to write down cause I think, man that shit is good!!  So I whip out my handy dandy iPhone, and pop it into my notes....where I promptly forget about it.  So the other day, for some reason, I start scrolling through my notes and find all sorts of stuff.  Some of it, I don't even know why or what.  It's like a random word and I wonder why the me entering that note EVER thought "Oh ya, I'll know what I'm talking about!" because at the best of times, I don't know what I'm talking about!!!  So I thought I'd share...a few good....a few random....a few confusing.

Okay so the first 2 notes are about wine.  SIGH!  Seriously.  One titled "wines we enjoy!" and I even have that jaunty exclamation point!  Ya!  Wine!  A better list would have probably been "wines we don't enjoy" and then I could have put like a :( or something....and included only this - homemade wine.  Now don't get all huffy all you homemade wine makers.  If it floats your boat, then I'm happy for you!  But it sinks mine.  And I'm okay with that.  And now we're not even through one note and I'm being judged for being a snob. So I've included the wines "Southern most patagonia 2006 Argentina" and "terra andina cab merlot 2007 Chile" and "funky llama" and other then the funky llama, I don't believe I ever pulled out this note again to look for these wines.  AND it's dated 2008-11-10.  I'll be sure and save that one.

And 630 days ago I posted "Very Hollywood Michael Kors" which I'm assuming is a book??  But that's all I have...and I never looked at it again.

And a few months ago, my loving husband told me this little bit of wisdom over a beautiful supper....and it seriously cracked me up.
        
                 "Once in a while, you come home early and that's a treat.  Once in a while you come home early in a good mood, and that's a treat!  Once in a while you come home early in a good mood.....and I'm in a good mood......*pause* *deep thought* *realization*......and that's how we get pregnant.  We should both get second jobs."

And can you see why I love him?  Sweet as they come!!


Camping this summer.....down at the playground with out kids and Lenny is making goo goo eyes at these 2 girls (12ish? 13ish?) on the swings.
          Girl 1 - AW ISN'T HE SO ADORABLE???  Hi little guyyyy!!  Hiiiii litttllllleee guuuuuyyyy!  Awwwww JUST adorable!!!
          Girl 2 - Yeah.  He's..........adorable.
          Girl 1 - And that's why I'm a babysitter!  Right there!
          Girl 2 - And that's why I'm NOT a babysitter!  I mean, kids are cute....but kids are ANNOYING!

And I thought.....yeah girl 2!  I get you!  I GET you! 
Deepest connection with a random stranger.  I got her.

I have a bunch of "shopping list" notes, a couple "Christmas list" notes and a MILLION notes telling me who to text, facebook or phone back with regards to making appointments.  Also one random note that says "damask" and I don't know why.  But it says nothing else.  Mystery?

Summer....just when you're really warming up to her, she friggen up and leaves.

So summer.  Where the heck did it go?  I know I know.....everyone is saying this.  And I guess we were just so busy this summer, and with the slow start on the weather, it just seemed to fly by.  So what did we do this summer?  When my clients ask me this, my first answer is "worked" which is true....but when I really think about it, we did lots more!!!

Birthdays, parties and dinner guests - I honestly wish I would have counted the amount of red wine bottles we've accumulated this summer.  It would make you disgusted.  You would stop reading my blog and next time you saw me, possibly throw sticks or rocks or something.  Sure, the odd few would move in, living out of our basement, sneaking up every evening with a wine goblet or vase or something.  But most of you would cry for our poor childrens education funds and livers.  I mean, we had help drinking them all.  Lots and lots of helpful help.  We had a few birthday parties, we had lots of out of town guests, we had the work crew over, we had Mexican night and we threw many a dinner party!  So really, I guess all the red wine bottles, it's not us.  It's you.  All of you.  And you should all be disgusted with yourselves.

-Barry's little *ahem* procedure - yup.  Totally got his nuts snipped.  So he was off his feet for a few days making sweet sweet love with a couple bags of slutty peas.  I played nurse (minus the awesome Naughty Nurse costume...why wasn't I more prepared??) and found out that trying to keep all the kids from jumping on his junk challenging. 

-Camping - we camped.  For 5 nights.  It was...........good.  Busy.  But, there was one or two nice relaxing moments.  I'm not sure why camping always seems like this amazing get away.  It is SO busy.  Between the prep and packing and hauling everything out there and setting up and trying to keep things clean and you wash dishes like 294372 times a day and then the pack up again and hauling everything back just to wash laundry for the next six months and not even be caught up...it pretty much sucks....really.  Like if you were from another planet and someone had to describe camping to you, pretty sure you'd get in that space ship, and never come back.
                                                                   Alien - Camping?  What's that?
                                                                   Me - Well, you try and pack up everything you might possibly need for the next few days and buy food that could go bad at any second because it's crammed into a little box with a few ice cubes and then you haul it all out to the dirt somewhere and like, live there.
                                                                   Alien- But why?
                                                                   Me -  Oh you know, cause it's SO relaxing!  I mean, the trips back and forth to haul water, and the washing of dishes and cleaning of the site and the freezing cold mornings and peeing in the bushes and constant screeching of birds and trying to keep everything away from bears or wildlife and the ticks and bugs and bees and mosquitoes and sun burns and freezing cold lake and trying to keep an almost 2 year old in one camp spot even though there are wide open spaces all around us and you know....it's a good time!
                                                                    Alien - fuck.  You people are stupider then we thought.      

And now I'm stumped.  Is that all we did that is monumental?  Man.  That's a sad list!  I mean, of course we had a visit from my Aunt from Ontario and that was lovely!  OH we had an outdoor movie night!  And that was AMAZING!  Such fun!  We invited some neighbours and my moms family all came and we set up lawn chairs at my parents house.  My uncle brought a projector and we watched HoodWinked.  Gavin and his friend made popcorn and served everyone in individual paper bags and we sat outside with a glass of wine and watched the movie.  Even the little kids watched and it was such a neat thing to do!!!

The garage door made for a great movie screen!

We also had a quick trip to Cranbrook and my mother in law made a quick trip here.  So I guess we did do a few more things.  I'm sort of excited though....to get back to routine.  Back to getting up in the mornings and going to bed early in the evenings.  The kids were totally bored anyways and I think they both were excited to go back to school.  I know in a week, I'll be bitching about lunches and all that school related stuff, but for today, I'm going to have another cup of coffee in my quiet house and be okay with summer being over.

What do you want for dinner?

What do you want for dinner?? 

A question that gets asked at our house everyday, as almost a joke.  We can never quite decide what we want for dinner.  Why not?  Because we eat amazingly well.  And there's never a lack of meals, or types of food in our house!  Take this past week for instance.  We had everything from breaded pork cutlets to BBQ steak tenderloin to grilled pork tenderloin to chicken curry.  Now my husband always claims it's because of me and my picky eating habits.  Which I don't think I have, but I just like good tasting food.  And good tasting food to me isn't hamburger or hot dogs or dry roasts.  It's food full of flavor, and spices and butter!  Food that goes amazing with a lovely bottle glass of red wine!  You don't have a grilled cheese for dinner and think "Mmm, this would go good with a lovely Merlot!"....well, if you had grilled cheese the way I make it, with layers of different ooey gooey foreign sounding cheeses and grated Parmesan crusting the outer layer of the sandwich...a sandwich recipe stolen from our friend Laurie who made them for us after the bar one night at 2 or 3am in our kitchen while we giggled and tried not to wake up the kids.....ANYWAYS, my original point is I like soul food.  Food that has reason, meaning and flavor!  Now my husband, he's more of a meat and potato kind of guy.  Don't take this to mean he's a boring food eater, or doesn't like anything fancy because he will eat ANYTHING.  Honest.  Even as he's exclaiming that he doesn't like it, he will eat it.  He's just not that concerned with food the way I am.  I mean, I get the lip smacking "mmmmmmmm"s out of him because he can appreciate a lovely meal, but if it wasn't lovely, he'd still eat every drop.  He likes to joke that he was 185lbs when he first met me, and now, well, he's a few more lbs since then.  That's love honey!  You hear me?  It's cause I love you through my cooking!  He knows.  So back to my husband.....if I ask him "what do you want for dinner?" on any given day/time/hour he is 99% likely to reply "chicken scallopine".

Let's try it now actually...I'm going to text him "What do you want for dinner?" Okay...let's see what he says.

While we're waiting, let me also share that he loves my chicken scallopine recipe so much he named Sundays "Scallopine Sunday" and we are to eat scallopini every Sunday. EVEN if he's talked me into making it for him on Friday for example...by Sunday, he'll be asking for it again. It is a really good recipe.  And super easy too!  Which is great because we usually start cooking after we get home from work, which means we usually eat supper around 7 or 7:30 or 8pm even.  Plus, it's easy to pull out a portion for the kids before it's finished and full of "strange" ingredients (ie green things).....anyone with kids know how picky they can be!  And just because they like something one day, doesn't mean they'll like it the next!

OH!  He texts back "chicken".  He knows I'm testing him...he's a smart guy really.  Can't fool him.  All though, I did ask him 2 days ago and he said scallopine, and that was also his answer 4 days ago so I guess maybe he can want something else.

So the famous scallopine!!  I have to say....I got the recipe from The Pioneer Woman.  She's got amazing food!!!!!  I've made a few things now from her and everything is a smash hit!!  Especially if you enjoy butter and cream and fat and delicious.  Then you would love her!! Actually, that's pretty much the best description of me...butter and cream and fat and delicious!  And peppy.  I think I'm kind of peppy.

The Pioneer Womans Chicken Scallopini that makes my husband fall in love with me (or it) every time I make it.....
(PS - I've tweaked it a smidge....and this is how I make it, but you can tweak it also!)

-Schmooosh some boneless, skinless chicken thighs with a rolling pin between 2 sheets of wax paper (or you can use breasts) till they are pretty thin and will cook quick and even.

-chuck them in a bag of flour, salt and pepper and shake them all around

-heat a pan (big enough to make sauce in after) and put in some butter (lots) and some olive oil

-brown your chicken and cook till just done, put aside (or put in the oven on warm on a plate like I do! I like to use a plate with a bit of sides so that it catches all the yummy juices from the chicken to add later.)

-take your yummy pan with chicken bits all browned in it and add a bit more oil if needed, then chuck in some sliced mushrooms and stir them all around

-add 1 cup white wine (or chicken broth or both!  I usually use the 1 cup wine and throw in maybe 1/2 cup chicken broth too)....now squeeze the juice of half a lemon, or a whole lemon depending on how lemony you enjoy stuff!  I like both halves in there!

-heat up and scrape off all the yummy browned bits from the pan....let bubble good and hard for a few mins.

-now add a heaping tsp (or 4) of capers!  I try not to get too too much caper juice in there but a bit is ok!

-okay so here's the good part....turn down your pan so it's just just simmering.  Now add 1/2 cup whipping cream (or if you're like me, add 3/4-1 cup whipping cream cause I'm delicious like that!)

-throw in some fresh parsley (or that amazing freeze dried crap), stir it all up and taste it....MMM.....this is where you can add more salt or pepper as needed...I usually add a dash of worchesterschire sauce and sometimes 1/2 a packet of chicken bouillon but lots of times it's perfect as is!

How to serve....

Cook up some of your favorite linguine or fettuccine and put this in the bottom of a big platter.  Place your chicken pieces on top and then pour whatever juices have collected in the bottom of the chicken plate.  Top with AMAZING sauce (don't waste a drop!!) and then sprinkle with Parmesan cheese!

DIG IN!  Have some crusty bread and a glass of wine to go with it all!  Also, a treadmill because you are going to want to eat alot of this...all the time.....and your skinny jeans are going to HATE you.  You're welcome!

Scratch and Sniff

Do you ever wonder what you smell like?  Like...I don't mean the usual perfume...or BO or whatever....but like you, your skin....what do you smell like?  And this is probably kind of  a strange thing to wonder, but this is the kind of shit that keeps me up at night.  I mean, maybe it's just because I work SO closely and intimately with people (hairdresser for those not sure and wondering if I'm a hooker or something) that I am usually very aware of how people smell.  I also have a very sensitive sense of smell so I notice right away.  And not that people smell badly, or stink...but just that everyone has a smell.  Then I wonder, what do people think I smell like?  If I'm close enough in your face that I can smell you, you gotta be able to smell me!  It's like when my sister borrows clothes from me, she always remarks on how she likes the smell of our laundry.  I can't smell anything on them and always wonder what it is she likes about it.  Do I smell like that? 

Okay now here's the really neurotic part.  I do this thing.  Because my smeller is sooooo sensitive, when I walk past people for the first time that look like they could smell questionable, I always hold my breath.  I don't even realize I do it anymore.  Especially on a hot summer day when you get those old guys out in their polyester suits and you can see they are sweaty and hot......hold my breath.  Out on a shopping trip with one of the girls from work, we walked past a guy digging around in the thrift store (breath hold in that place FOR SURE!) and she commented on how much he smelt of soap and I had to fess up that I was holding my breath.  She looked at me like I was crazy and wondered out loud if I hold my breath around her.  So I had to explain that no, just people who look...you know...stinky?  Great, so am I a prejudicial smeller??  I don't know what I see that makes me think people might not smell good, other then the usual winter coat wearers on a hot summer day.  And all my concern about other peoples smells, maybe I stink??? 

These are life's mysteries to me.  But smell is important to me!  And as I ponder all this, I sit here at work on my lunch break eating hummus....garlicky hummus.....and I'm sure my clients coming in this afternoon are going to hate me for it!  I'm sorry to all my next clients!  I already sent my husband a message at work that he should also eat some at lunch today so he can stand to sleep in the same bed as me tonight.  But do other people really worry about stuff like that or am I just crazy?? 

Smells I love : jiffy markers, breastfed babies (there is a difference between them and bottle fed babies), my husbands skin after it's been out in the sun, onions and garlic cooking in butter, lillies, camping

Smells I hate: laundry that sat in the wash too long, inside of fridges, when I wash a heavy smokers hair and get it wet, wet dog, morning breath, BO smells left in clothes, cabbage cooking, the inside of a dishwasher

What smells do you love and hate?  Do I stink?  You don't have to lie to me.  I can handle it.

July Blog Group Posting....or "enter creative title here"

Okay so it's that time again....time for our July blog group to do it's postings!  And this month, the topic is favorite summer meal/food.  And this month, for real, I know what i'm writing about!

So we live in a big ol'heritage house in Robson.  When we moved in, it was very unloved by the previous owners and was quite run down.  It had a little tiny deck (think big enough to barely stand and put clothes on a line) that was practically rotting off the side of the house.  The first year we lived here, we knew that little deck had to go and we dreamt of a big deck along the back of the house.  I mean, you could totally see where a deck would go along the back.  We couldn't believe there wasn't one there already!  So we mapped it out and dreamed about it until the day my father in law called, bored, and wondered if we had any projects we needed to work on.  Within the day, he was on his way up from Fernie and I had a large back hoe in my yard digging for deck posts.

We LOVE our deck.  It's amazing.  It's off the back of the house looking out towards the pool and kids swing set.  It's private and quite and roomy.  All year long we yearn for the summer days when we can have supper on the deck.  And anticipate the day we can set up the deck, dig out the patio furniture and plant some flowers.  Right now is the perfect time of year for our deck.  My tomato plants are giant, flowers in full bloom and fountain mounted and trickeling (side note: we got the fountain for a wedding gift 6 years ago and my husband just rigged it up for me this year...sooo....it's a lovely addition...finally).  Any meal we have on that deck is a favorite and it makes every glass of wine taste amazing!!  Actually, it really does make every glass of wine on it taste amazing.  Like, how does that happen??  It just like....breathes life into the wine....gently infusing it with summer and cool breeze with it's loving deck breath and woody deck soul.  I mean, just the pop of the cork of any lovely red wine summer sipper echos off the deck posts with the most amazing tenor and reverb.  We never waste a drop of red wine on that deck....come to to think of it, we usually polish off 7 or 8  5 or 6 2 or 3 more bottles then originally intended on that deck.  You just can't help it.  I swear, it's a magical wine drinking place.  Like a soft woodsy knoll that just welcomes you and slips you a roofie and forces you to drink....later taking advantage of you in ways that only a woodsy knoll could...........alas, I digress.

So to sum up, my favorite summer meal/food for this months July Blog Group Posting is red wine.  Deal with it. 

And please check out our other members posts.......

Andes Cruz: http://www.andescruz.wordpress.com
Brad Severtson: http://hammeringoutaliving.blogspot.com/
Kathleen Krucoff: http://mysticalmythicalmetalwork.wordpress.com/
Barbara Donovan: http://barbaradonovan.blogspot.com/
stephanie clark: http://thethinkingsofacoldweathergirl.blogspot.com
Laura FLavin : http://modernbirdjewelry.blogspot.com
WATTO: http://www.wattoonline.com/news

A Day in the Life

Annnnnnd it's Sunday already.  Again.  And July.  How did that happen?  Where is time going????  I hear it just gets faster as one gets older....how is that possible??  I mean, what am I doing with my time?

So my life.  It's busy....it's awkward at times...it's amazing.  I'm not looking for a congrats or compliment, but rather, I want to see where I come from...where I'm going every day.  First, I should explain a bit about my typical days.  Okay so I have 3 boys, 2 of whom go to school. 

So the alarm goes off at 7:00am.  I slap the snooze right out of that bitch two or three dozen times and then I very grumpily drag myself out of bed and go try and rouse the sleeping monsters, all without waking up the youngest, who is usually in my bed sleeping across my pillow with his feet in my face anyways.  So downstairs we breeze to make a healthy wholesome breakfast of sugar cereal, or something frozen that we defrost in the toaster and the boys eat approx 4 bites before I have to make them go brush their teeth.  Now none of this is pleasant.  Just wanted to clear that up.  I'm leaving out the parts about all the yelling, bribing, pleading and tears.  So off they go to school and I have a few minutes to myself.  I usually make a coffee and my breakfast and take that quiet time to check my email, facebook, twitter, gmail, blogger, TFLN, DListed, damnyouautocorrect, etsy, ebay, etc......I have about 14 1/2 minutes to complete all this and then I must get myself up and dressed before the sitter arrives.  So I try on every piece of clothing in my closet, throwing it all over my room, occasionally crying and stamping my feet or texting the girls at work for suggestions before I settle on the first thing I tried on.  By now the baby has awoke and is grumpy and trying to talk me into laying back in bed with him and nursing him all morning by lovingly smashing his fists on the pillow and screaming "A BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOB!!!!!!!!". 

Now I have to entertain him, while I try to finish doing my hair, makeup, shower etc.  Usually entertaining him consists of trying to prevent him from throwing things in the toilet and eating my makeup.  The sitter always walks in once he has makeup smeared all over his face and has managed to dump my coffee onto him and smash his head on something and get both arms into the toilet water and I know she judges me.  And it's now 9:39 and I start work at 10.  Off I go!  I usually work 10-8ish...or 9ish.  And I always overbook myself.  Why? I haven't figured it out yet.  I think I need a really bitchy secretary to work for me and make my appointments.  One who knows the word "NO" and "a week from next Tuesday".  I always manage to get about 20 minutes behind by 10:56am and continue to run that way the entire day.  Once my work day is done, I turn out most of the lights, crank up the music and sing and dance for a bit while I clean up.  This is my "unwinding" time and I apologize to the broom for making it feel awkward as my dance partner. Now I get to go home!

By the time I get home, most days the two older boys are in bed already.  Did I even talk to them that day??  I make a mental note to try and wake them up 5 minutes earlier the next day so I can ask them how they are.  The baby is barely awake still and promptly perks up when he sees me and starts screaming "A BOOOOOOOOOOOOBBBBBBB!" at me instantly.  My husband has made supper, fed everyone, cleaned the house, got the boys off to bed and entertained the baby after his day at work.  We usually manage to have a 7 minute conversation with one another, but never anything in depth.  It's late.  We're tired.  And there's no time to start anything major so we are usually just are content to sit with each other on the couch with a glass of wine and watch TV in peace.  Is this ideal?  Probably not, but it's all we have right now.  I'm sure once the boys all move out, we'll have more time for each other! 

Before we know it, it's 11pm and we're both nodding off.  The baby is sleeping hanging off my boob and it's time for bed.  I'm sleeping before I even lay down and tomorrow, I'll do it all again.

Pure Enjoyment

When I first read this months topic, I thought "easy!".  I mean, I'm joyful.....I like stuff!  So what do I like to do for a past time?  For pure enjoyment?  Huh.  Nothing is coming to me.  Well, there is one thing.  And it's nagging at me in the back of my head, but I'm going to ignore it because it can't be the answer I'm looking for.  I know!  Cooking!  I cook!  I love to cook!  But, I mean, I don't ever cook just to like...cook.  I cook cause I have to make a meal.  Sometimes I make more elaborate meals for fun....but would I call it a past time....huh.  No.  Okay....so what else.  Umm....work?  I work.  Alot.  And in my free time, I work some more.  Is this a past time?  No....probably not.  I think this defeats the purpose of doing something for pure enjoyment as a past time.  But I work more then I do anything.  Okay....scratch work.  Let's see here..........I used to read.  Then I had kids.  Now I don't have time to read.  This one time I started collecting stamps!  But I was 10 and gave it up by 10 1/2.  OH, I run!!!!  I love to run!  I mean, when I do run.  I've kind of fallen off the running bus.  I got really sick....blah blah blah....and now I'm back a bunch of weeks that I had already made progress on....and I'm discouraged.  So I haven't really ran in like....a while.  But I liked it.  And I would do it for....not really joy.....because it always kind of hurt and I wasn't really good at it.....sooooo.........huh.  This is harder then I thought.  Never mind my little voice in my head.  It's talking bullshit and I don't have to listen.  UMMM..........pure enjoyment....past time.....OH!  I drink wine!  Wait.....that makes me sound like a drunk.  I don't like drink wine till I'm drunk every day....I usually take a day off where I just drink till tipsy every now and again....annnnd...I mean, we do go through a lot of wine....but if it's like our hobby?  Then that's okay?  Right?  No?  Okayyyy......so that does sound a bit.....lush-ey.  So ignore all that.  I'm sure I don't drink more then like five one glass a day...really.....soooo..............okay okay okay.  I'm going to say it.  And I hate that this is my answer.  And it's more important to me then eating, or sleeping, or working, or like......sex stuff......or shopping....or anything.  My pure enjoyment past time is......online social media.  You name it....I love it.....twitter, facebook, blogger, gmail, email, TFLN, etsy, regretsy, ebay, damnyouautocorrect, myspace...haha...just kidding about the myspace.  I mean, I love it all.  And that makes me really sad that this is what I choose to do for enjoyment as a past time. 

"What do you do for fun?" "Me?  Oh, I tweet."

So for pure enjoyment and in my free time, I plug in.  I guess the important thing is I can unplug and cook, or run or read and I also enjoy those things.  But hands down, my ultimate guilty pleasure is technology.  And I know you guys all understand!

Things I've Learned Over The Last Few Days

Things I've learned over the last few days....

1. My husband is a multi-tasking master and amazing.

Okay....in all fairness, I've always known this.  But it always amazes me the extent of that statement!  Take for example our recent quick trip to Kelowna/Penticton.  Now, I went for work.  He came JUST TO TAKE CARE OF THE KIDS SO I COULD WORK.  Seriously.  So off I go at 7:30am....leaving him and the 2 younger boys in a hotel room (one under the age of 2), to pack up and check out and entertain themselves and get to Penticton and re-check in and unpack and entertain themselves.  Now this is an undertaking that I would have failed miserably.  First off, just attempting ANY of this with Kohen and Lennon is amazing, maybe a bit stupid, but amazing.  And he managed to pull it all off.  They went to the pool swimming, went to ToysRUs, went out for lunch, drove to Penticton and travelled around there....re-checked into our new hotel and was there to pick me up from class right on time.  I get into the car and both boys are wearing new outfits (he took them CLOTHES SHOPPING!) and looking soooo sweet in their new plaid shirts.  They are all smiling, and relaxed and happy.  Now, let's pretend for a second that him and I had changed places and he was working all day while I had the kids and was attempting to get around Kelowna etc.....when I picked him up, I would have been a disaster.  Like seriously.  I would have been crabby and probably crying, let's not kid ourselves.  The kids would have been filthy and hungry and tired and crabby.  We all would have hated every second of the trip and I probably would have ran something over or got lost or forgot our suitcases or something!!  Not to say that I couldn't cope with the kids.....or do things with my kids....but seriously, this was a HUGE day and a HUGE task!  I also know our limits and accept them when it comes to me and the kids.  And I'm a pretty put-together kind of gal, in my own way.  But it never would have worked out for me, nor would I have attempted it on my own!  So there again, amazing and multi-tasking.



Matching Plaid Shirts



2. I like BC wine (well, can appreciate it more anyways).

So here's the breakdown.  I'm a wine snob.  Legit.  Also, I've tried a fair number of BC wines and have hated them all.  The only BC wines that I've tried and enjoyed were all very expensive, because I'm a wine snob.  I don't know what exactly I dislike about most BC wines I've tried.....they're like....green tasting or something.  You know when wine gets that almost carbonated feel to the tongue?  Ya, like that!  But I've been trying to branch out more and have tried a few more types and brands and actually have found a couple new ones I enjoy!!  And I'm eager to try more!!

3. People are horrible.

Now....this is a very general statement.  And not ALL people of course are horrible.  But I witnessed some horrible people this weekend and it made me sick to my stomach, and sad for people in general.  Driving through Kelowna....just about over the bridge to west Kelowna and at the last intersection at the bottom.....a guy riding his bike across the intersection gets hit by a car.  Now, I didn't actually see the hit....but the guy I was driving with did.  What I saw was a man laying on his back, spread eagle and completely still.  I actually believed him to be dead (he's not thankfully!) because of how he looked!  The driver I was with passes me his cell phone and says "DIAL 911" so I do.  Now we're stuck in like 3 lanes of traffic moving quickly, so it's not easy for us to stop.  There is however many many many cars and people and business around where this man is laying.  So as we drive past I keep looking out the window to see what's going on and NOBODY is getting out to help him!  Cars are driving by.  People at the gas station next to him are pumping gas.  Nobody has rushed over to see if he's okay.  He's still laying there.  Still as can be.  We pass 2 ambulances heading his way so I relax that at least someone will help out.  Once home, I google the accident to see the outcome and the man had major head trauma and the driver that hit him LEFT THE SCENE!  Hit and run.  A person.  They drove away, leaving him laying on the road.  What.  The.  Fuck.

4.  Moons over my Hammy

So we don't have a Dennys here so I'm not really going to apologize for this mix up, but I felt it was worth sharing.  We go to Dennys in Penticton for breakfast.  I order the "moons over my hammy please" and my husband cracks a joke about it.  I'm confused.

Barry - "Good thing you ordered it that way, or you might have gotten something totally different!"

-him and waitress share a laugh-

Me - "ha ha...uhh....ha.  So how long were you saving that joke"? Why is he saying it like this?  Is he talking about the moons part?  Like mooning someone?  Bums?  Why is this a joke??

Barry - "I bet they won't bring it to you unless you say it that way! They'd be all 'um..moons over what?'"

Me -   "Uhh...ya...I bet."  Still don't get it.....what is he saying....this isn't funny!

So we continue to eat.....and all of a sudden.....a light bulb goes off.  I burst out laughing sooo hard, and am actually crying at the same time (remember my mixed up emotions from puppy posting...sometimes instead of laughing, I cry).  Barry wants to know what I'm laughing about.  I don't want to share.  I try and choke back my laughter.  He pesters me more.....so I finally cave. 

"I didn't know moons over my hammy was moons over MIAMI!"

He looks at me like I've grown another head and bursts out laughing too!  Seriously though, I still don't really get it.  I mean, is it a song reference?  What's up with the moons over Miami?? Okay so apparently it's a movie.  But why is it a sandwich at Dennys??



Moons over My Hammy

 

 

So I've learned a few new things....good for me!  I'll never order another moons over my hammy though.  It's creepy and cut the heck out of the roof of my mouth!  Why do people eat those?!?



Awkward and I don't condone the running over of puppies.

So.....I think there is something wrong with me.  Like wrong with me!  I mean, pretty much, I'm a decent person.  I like stuff, and am nice mostly and say mean things only under my breath, mostly.  And I don't try to hurt people, or things and I don't enjoy when other people hurt people, or things.  Nice person, right?  So also, sometimes when I get nervous, or stressed, I giggle.  In really awkward and inappropriate times.  And the worst part about this is- it's usually odd enough to get someone else to giggle, and then you're in trouble.  And it's not that I'm giggling or laughing because it's funny, like funny ha-ha, but because it's just the way my emotional reaction has decided to come out in that form.  I remember this one time, at a funeral....not like a sad funeral but like a funeral of someone very very old who was very very sick and it really was a bit of a blessing that they had finally moved on.  Well, of course it was sad, but it wasn't like tragic?  Okay, now this example isn't even my example that I had planned to talk about in setting myself up for wrong-ness......but the more I write, the more scared I get!  Who talks about a non-sad funeral???  Did someone die?  Isn't that sad?  Get a hold of yourself Shannon!!!!  Anyways....my point was, as we were sitting there, off to the side in the family section at the funeral....

k wait.....now you're all "family section" and "not sad" funeral in the same story?  She's effed.

......and we were feeling very stressed about the situation.  And it was one of those Russian funerals where the singers all come out and sing and sing and sing for EVER and everyone is crying....well, not everyone cause also, at the Russian funerals, you have those who just come out for the social aspect.  Yes, I know that sounds kind of odd....but it's like a communal support group!  ANYWAYS......my dad and I realize that we are sitting in such a spot where we can see directly up the dead persons nose.  Like DIRECT.  And she had a fairly large nose....with fairly large nostrils.  And it's like a black void space....and what do they do with your nose insides?  And now we're whispering "what's up there?" and trying to hide giggles as sobs.....and yes, we're horrible people......but you laughed too thinking of it and now so are you.  But when you're just stressed like that....and your emotion doesn't know WHAT to do....sometimes this is the easiest way to get it out.  Highly frowned upon, but it just happens....and I cried too.....so I'm probably hopefully not going to become a seriel killer.  Right??

This other time......it was Christmas dinner.  And my Baba (Russian grandma) was leading us all in the traditional prayer before supper.  We were all standing, heads bowed and I happened to glance over and catch sight of my sister.  We were like maybe 12 and 10.....okay 15 and 13....okay so maybe it was only a couple years ago but I'm pretty sure we were young.  So I glance at her....and she kind of smirks....so I kind of smirk and quickly look away.  Everyone is still very seriously praying...like to god or whatnot....so I glance again.....and we giggle.  Uh oh.  So the more we try NOT to giggle....we giggle more.  Pretty soon, tears are RUNNING down our cheeks and we're full out laughing.  And we can't stop.  And my dad is yelling at us to be quiet and Baba looks horrified.  All just making the situation worse....and we just CANNOT stop.  So we get sent to our rooms.  At Christmas dinner of all times. 

So yesterday.......I laughed at someone posting that they had run over their puppy.

cue crickets chirping

Okay so see?  Doesn't that sound AWFUL!!!????  But in all fairness, they also said that it wasn't like the entire puppy....but maybe just the leg or paw.  And I really didn't find it funny!!!!  But it was just the way it was written...on their status.  So like matter of fact and out there.  And it was such a long day at work and I didn't eat lunch and our work environment has been a little stressful lately so it just like....came out.  Then once I realized what I had done.....of course I started laughing.  Out of complete embarrassment!  And awkwardness!  But then I couldn't stop.  And pretty soon I had tears running down my face.  And Gill just sat there, across from me, staring with a look of horror wondering if I had truly cracked.  And I swear, at that moment, I had!!!  And every time I'd stop laughing....I'd remember that I laughed at someone running over their puppy and I'd start again.  Oh my god.  I'm going straight to hell!!  So to try and like, I don't know....cover up the horrific nature of my giggle I choked out "One time my dad ran over my bike!" which doesn't really compare....of course, I know that!  Okay, so now I even went and scrolled through days of postings to find out about the puppy cause I felt really badly.....but it's okay!!  Just bruised!  Sooo....if you're reading this, not the puppy but the owner, send me your address....I'd like to send your puppy some get well soon flowers....or dog biscuits or a bone or something. 

So just to sum up.........running over animals is never funny.  And I laughed and feel badly and I think this means that I probably have an alien living inside me who will be busting out at any moment....if I like, feed it after midnight or water it on a full moon or something.  And if I wind up killing a bunch of people, or like maybe one person....or like my ex goes missing or something....you can all tell this story at my trial because it truly proves that I've been sniffing too many chemicals at work and have been probably possessed or something. 

You can teach a horse to drink....wait.....

So yesterday morning started out sadly for me.  Now before I get too far, I need to share that yes, it's that time of the month.  But like, not the beginning of that time when emotions are like crazy rampant, but like...sort of half way into that time of the month.  You know?  Okay, so now that all the men have probably stopped reading......yesterday morning was sad. 

While scrolling through facebook (I bet a many good stories start out this way...) I came across the status update of this lovely girl whom I adore....it basically said she was devastated, but in a much more poetic/heart wrenching way.  Right away I text her "what's going on??"....and yes, in this day and age, I texted her instead of calling first.  Mainly because it wasn't even 8am yet so I don't like to phone people, and also because she has a phone phobia and so we only use it for true emergencies.  Which this probably was......anyways....where the heck was I??  Umm....oh right........so I text her.  She replies and shares that she has had her heart broken.  Again.  By the same douche canoe asshole mother effin disgusting piece of dog crap asshat guy.  So here was my first instinct - get my hackles up and protect those I love.  My second was to try and make her see that it's for the best, of course, that he's off doing what ever else douche canoes guys do. Now the history of this heart break is that he's one of those "bottle of shampoo" type guys.....lather, rinse and repeat.  Okay, so maybe not the first two exactly in that way....but the repeat part.  And he thrives on it.  He's a bit older, and much more...um....I'm going to say "worldly" but this isn't quite the right word cause it makes her sound like a bumpkin.  But, he's just been around more and played the game longer i guess?  So he knows exactly what he's doing.  She's got like that young, first love thing happening....that puppy crush that makes you want to throw yourself from a cliff every time it happens, but never hesitate to go back and relive all the drama time and time again. 

Fuck you couldn't pay me to go back to those years!!!!  And yes, we all have to go through this.  But I always think like, if I could share my wisdom with you (ha! wisdom!) then it could be like that saying "If I knew now what I knew then" cause, you would know now what you knew then, cause I just told you!!  But I've now come to the conclusion that even if you could know now what you knew then....it wouldn't do a damn bit of good.  We have to live through these things....these experiences that make us who we are...I guess.  And it sucks.  Especially when you are watching someone you love go through them and you just want to say STOP, spoil the ending, and move on over a nice glass of wine. 

So I was a bit more forceful this time (remember, shampoo type guy).  And I hope it didn't offend but I really questioned why she kept going back for more?  Why he could be so verbally and emotional cruel to her and yet, she would always go back and always let him do it again.  I told her how much we loved her and how I wished she loved herself.  I pointed out the hate she had for other boys who had done similar things to those SHE loved....and why couldn't she value herself enough to be as worthy as them??  I was in tears, fighting for all the things that made her so amazing, that she gave to him to crush and break over and over again.  I just wanted her to feel her worth.....to see that she was amazing....to see what he was doing to her.  Like drug addicts.....you just see the good.  The few measly times it makes you feel good, you hang onto that and magnify it so it becomes the reality.  I sobbed at her "sorry" and realized I was making her feel badly....when I was trying to do just the exact opposite.  "Bull shit!" I told her....no sorry here, just love yourself and get mad!!!  Get mad at all of it!  Get mad, and remember it!  Get mad and take yourself back! 

I asked Barry's opinion....what do I say!?!  I want her to realize that she's awesome and he's a loser.  And the ever wise Barry says......

"And she's got years to go.  You can't be mad!  Just let her know you understand....you can lead a horse to water but you can't hold it's head under and say "right here TONTO!"

And of course, he's right.  Except for the Tonto part....cause I actually think that was the faithful Indian companion....which is now making that advice sound really not right....or good......but if you take the rest of that advice...it's basically good, solid advice.  And I am here for her....and I know she knows that.  And if I ever run into that guy, I'll break his nose so bad......but if for some strange reason, you hear of like this guy getting his nose very badly broken and they don't know why or who, just forget you ever read this...ok??  And also his car gets set on fire, ya, then just forget I said anything.  Oh?  I didn't mention that part?  Well good then, and I won't.  Soooo........................a sad morning.  And i've been notified today that now she's mad.  So that's a good sign.  It's moving through the stages of grief, and maybe one of these trips back up from the bottom will be the last trip......because she bloody well deserves to move up and stay up.  And i'm there for her, and I've been there myself.....we all have.....and it still sucks. 

I'm 32.

The other day, I found myself short a couple kids and only had the baby.  Such a treat!  My mom and I decided to head to Walmart to wander around and buy some very exciting items.  On my shopping list; a new pillow, a new bra and shorts for the oldest.  So off we go!!  With only the baby in tow, we can wander around and totally take our time!  So nice!  We start at the ladies clothing and each try on an armful of stuff, just for fun!  Then we head over to the bra section.  Okay, now lets lay out some groundwork here.  First off, I used to have a lovely set of B's.  Just the right size.  Not too big, not too small, and perky.  Then came my kids.  With the first baby, the girls jumped up to a C.  Still alright!  We used to joke about the "Titty Fairy" who comes to visit while pregnant and then after while nursing.  Eventually, between my first and second baby, the girls dropped a bit to a B cup.  But still, I was happy with them.  Clothes fit well and bras fit well.  After having Kohen, I nursed for 19 months.  Nineteen whole months!!!  My once perky B's started to shrink a bit....and sag......and flop.  Not happy.  But I could still wear a nice bra and they'd perk right up again, fooling everyone!  Look guys!  I nursed 2 babes and my breasts are chipper and cheerful and up where they belong!! Nothing to do with my new Victoria Secrets bra...no, they are just like this naturally (ya right!).  Then along came Lenny.  Let's just say, at 20 months, he's still sucking me dry.  So the girls have shrunk yet again to very, very small A's.  Raisins really.  Shrively old prunes.  And considering they are so friggen small they sure hang LOW!  Do they wobble to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot?  Can you tie them in a bow?  Check, check and check.  So unless I'm wearing a VERY padded bra, they look alot like moobs.  You know moobs......man boobs?  Think pointy down and triangular shaped and floppy.  Moobs.  My moobs.  Mom boobs if you will. 

So there we are.....scouring the bra section.  Now my mom has never had the same problem as me.  As I'm searching through the racks, she's yelling "See any triple D's?" and I'm calling over "Keep an eye out for double A's!".  We hunt and hunt and nothing.  Sure, I try a few bras on over my clothes and existing bra and when they are too big then, I know to put them back on the hanger.  I give up.  I'm frustrated by my National Geographic cover, topless African woman breasts.  I decide I'll have better luck with shoes and head off, leaving my mom still trying to smush herself into a double D.

At the shoes and my mom comes running over with a handful of bras.  "JACKPOT!" she yells excitedly!  She's found some for me! We head off to the changing room and I'm in.  The first bra I try is cute....a nice lavender and it's too big.  That's okay!  I have others to try!  As I'm wrestling the next one off the hanger I notice there's a picture on the hanger.  It's of this girl, this.....PRETEEN girl.  This smiling red headed preteen girl with 2 thumbs up and too big front teeth. 

"MOM!"
"Yes?  You got one on?"
"MOM!  Are these.......TRAINING bras????"
*silence*
"MOM!"
"Well.........I was going to rip the tags off, but I thought then how could they scan them at the check out!"
"MOM!  The first one was TOO BIG!"
*silence*  "Maybe you need some of those cutlet things you stick in there?"
"No mom! NO thanks!"

I grumble and try on another. Okay, so it fits.....well.  La ti fucking da!  I try on another....again, fits....well.  So now I have 2.  I look at the preteen price tag....huh! Training bras are alot cheaper then real ones.  Fine.  I'll buy 2, but I'm devastated!  I'm 32 years old for goodness sakes!  I didn't even need a training bra when I was a kid!  I went from nothing to a B overnight!  I hide them under some stuff in the cart and pout the rest of the shopping trip.  My mom lovingly suggests "When you are finished nursing, get some suckers put in!"  Ya ya Mom....it's on my list of things to do.  We head to the check outs and I start separating my stuff from hers.  There in the bottom of the cart is a little bag with these squishy, flesh coloured things.  My mom snuck them in there.  I refuse to buy them. 

So there you go.  Buying training bras at age 32.  I've tried them on a couple times, but have yet to wear them.  I mean, without the preteen smiling at me from the hanger, they don't look any different from my A's I usually wear.  But I know she was on there.  Smiling at me with her too big front teeth.  Mocking me with her 12 year old smile.....I'm 12 and I've got bigger tits then you!!!

Shit in my fridge

Why oh why is my fridge so full???  All the time....it's like....crammed!  What the hell is in there???  Nothing to eat, or so the kids always like to inform me!  So I thought I'd break it down and see really, what the heck is in there.....my findings were a little odd!  A few highlights were....

Beer.  Lots and lots of beer.  We don't actually drink much beer, but every time someone comes over and brings beer, we put it in the fridge.  They should come back and drink it.

Condiments...like, every condiment known to man kind.  Ketchup, soy sauce, fish sauce, teriyaki sauce, stir fry sauce, sweet and sour sauce, bbq sauce, thai sweet chili sauce, worchesterschire sauce, A1 steak sauce, plum sauce, honey mustard sauce, tequila lime sauce and it goes on and on and on.  Who needs this many sauces?  When helping us move one time, my Baba commented "there's more condiments in here then at Kootenay Market!"...it's probably true.

6 dark chocolate bars.  Six.  Different.  Kinds.  See, I don't like dark chocolate.  So they are safe here.

4 open bottles of pop.  Is anyone going to drink these after they sit and get stale?  No.  So why save them in the fridge?

5 jars of open salsa.  I swear, every time I go grocery shopping I say "are we out of salsa?" and Barry says "not sure, but I think so!" and BAM!  Salsa coming out of our ears.

Box of pizza.  At any given time, I could PROMISE you on my LIFE that we would have a box of delivery pizza in our fridge. 

Every single jam type in the world.  And what kinds will my kids eat?  Raspberry.  That is all.  So what shall I do with the lemon, peach, grape, strawberry, mixed berry, wild berry etc jars of jam?  Is there a "Jams for the Homeless" collection box?

8 sandwich bags with 8 mystery cheese in them.  Some are white, some are kind of greenish by now.  Little tiny left over bits of cheese that I save in a ziploc bag.  Could I actually name 8 different kinds of cheese?  I'm going to say it's possible, but I'd probably be lying.

Tiny, not quite enough for a full serving, amounts of leftovers from dinner on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.  All saved in plastic containers.  But they are not ever quite enough for a meal, so everyone always looks at them, thinks "hmm, not enough" and puts them back.  Good thing I saved it all!

A bag of pitted dates and a bag of figs.  I vaguely remember making a recipe a while back that called for 5 dates and 5 figs.  So now I have entire bags of each.

2 open bottles of red wine and 1 of white.  We are total wine snobs and will not drink old, open wine.  So how come we always put the cork back in and refrigerate them??  Also, some ciders left over from the last time Gillian brought some over.  When was that??  It's been months.  And months.  And months.

Honestly, that's about it!  So I guess we really don't have any food in there.  Unless you count the boarder line science experiment bags of veggies in my crisper.  I was kind of embarrassed to find them in the state they were in so I didn't mention them.  Okay okay, who am I kidding....I couldn't tell what vegetable they were, so I didn't mention them.  Also, did I throw them out upon discovery?  No.  If I did, I would have had to clean the crisper drawer.  And that makes me gag.  Don't judge me.

Family

Okay, so first off....I know, I suck at blogging.  I just find myself busy....and forgetting....and okay, this week, for reals, I worked 50 hours and I was totally SICK the entire week.  Like sick, sick.  Not like "man cold" sick, because obviously I'm not a man and also I continued my life.  Which is what you do when you are a mom (or maybe it's just the way women work? Not trying to man bash here, just stating the facts.).  So I worked all week, spreading my germs around and coughing and snotting and my ears are so plugged I swear I can hear my hair growing.  I mean, thank GODDESS for my amazing husband, who kept the home front running while I worked till 8:30 or 9pm every night of the week....and my baby didn't sleep much so we were up with him most nights while he teethed and cried and nursed in our bed.  LONG week.  Okay...so that brings me to the real reason for this posting........family.

Family.  Mine consists of me and four boys.  That's right....count'em.....FOUR.  Don't get me wrong...I love each and every one of them (most days) but I still have these delusions about what we can and can't do with our family of weiners.  Take today for instance.  Beautiful sunny day......proD day so no school....and the kids are being as sweet as they can (not very) so I think "Let's do something all together!". 

That was my first mistake.  Spontaneously planning to do something with all three kids is a stupid idea.  It's an idea that obviously I had because I'm still sick and the amount of snot in my head is making me crazy.  But you know when you like picture it in your head....how lovely it's going to be....just like the TV shows or movies!  The mom all cute and non-tired with her 3 lovely, well behaved, rascally kids.  Off to do something only a real true loving family could do in a magically, Disney inspired way! 

So I think "I've been sick all week and haven't ran since Monday.....let's get the older boys to ride their bikes and I'll take the baby in his stroller and jog and we'll go down to Johnny's to get a treat!".  Now Johnnys is a little gas station/grocery store FYI and it's about 3kms away from our house and it's packed full of candy like those places often are!  And the boys LOVE to go there and get treats!  How lovely!  La di da!!

 Mistake number two.  I plan a GIANT reward at the end of an impossible task, basically setting everyone up for failure.  Why?  I'm crazy?  I don't know. 

So off we go!!  Get the bikes and the stroller and we frolic outside!  I even wore a cute running outfit cause that's important in my delusional fantasy's...that I'm always cute.  I give the stern, yet loving lecture about staying close to me while riding bikes...off the road....don't get too far ahead....and this should be fun!  We head down the driveway.  Going good.  The redhead is anxious to get out on his bike and he's got a bit of energy that needs to be burnt off.  The oldest is only whining a little about how his 11 year old legs are just a bit tired of peddling already, because he hasn't rode his bike yet this year.  And the baby only got his finger stuck in the stroller tire once so far!  We can do this! 

Mistake number three.  Of course we can't.  Remember?  This isn't Disney.

Fast forward 2 minutes and 33 seconds.  The redhead rides his bike a bit too close to the soft dirt side and WIPES OUT!  I keep running...."You're okay....you're good....up, let's go!  No blood!" I lie.  He believes me somehow....visions of candy aisles in his head and gets back on!  Another 50 seconds pass and I'm getting into the groove and the redheads chain pops off his bike.  "WAIT!" he screams.  Oh for fu............okay, I pause my running timer and stop and hanker down on the pavement to fix his bike.  The chain is rusty and impossible to put on.  My cute running outfit is getting dirty and I'm close to swearing at the bike chain.  We wrestle a bit and thankfully get it back on.  OKAY, LET'S GO.  Couple more minutes and I hear a clump clump clump clump.  The oldest has decided his legs are just too tired and he'll just run beside me (bumping me all the way) while holding onto his bike.  Cause that's more restful.  "I'll just walk a bit and then catch up!" he yells.  Fine so we keep going.  The chain pops off again.  Seriously????  So again, I plop down on the pavement and we struggle to get it back on.  I'm covered in greasy rusty chain gunk and Gavin is crying he's tired and Kohen is yelling at him to stop being a baby and the wind is blowing the stroller (with the baby) in it down the road.  We finally get going again......and the chain falls off again!!!!!  A fortis worker pulls over.  It's a lady.  She yells out the window "Need a hand?  I've been there Sister!".  I wave her away cheerfully...all while swearing under my breath.  The boys are both crying now.  And I can't for the life of me get the chain back on.

Ring ring

Barry - Ola!

Me - Are you on your way home yet? (I'm slightly hysterical)

Barry - Umm....(he can sense my hysterics)....I'm almost on my way.  Why?

Me - Because we're stuck on the side of the road....blah blah Kohen....blah blah effing bike chain....blah blah I just wanted a run....blah blah why can't anything just be nice??

Barry - *big sigh* I'm on my way.

So I tell the boys "well, you can just go with Barry then.  He'll pick you up." And now they're REALLY crying....I mean, they wanted Johnnys!  Gavin says "would you buy us some stuff??" I say NO....I'm not stopping.  I'm mad.  And it's not at them.  I mean, it's not their fault the chain kept falling off.  Or Gavin couldn't keep up (wait....that is kind of his fault....for petes sake.....it's a 10 minute bike ride.....) but I'm so frustrated at my fantasy vision being a total hoax.  I'm almost crying myself and the boys hunker down together and struggle with the chain.  It's fixed!  They are ecstatic!  We can go now!!  I'm still frustrated....it'll just keep coming off....this is ridiculous, but I breathe and say fine, we'll go as far as Johnnys (a block away) and then Barry can get you there and take you home.  And as they boys disappear down the amazing candy aisle, my knight in shining armor walks in, smirking at me.  I can read his mind "you're crazy for attempting this" but he just says "we'll see you at home." and he takes over with the monsters and me and the stroller head for home.

I mean, good try, right?  But nothing ever happens as lovely as I imagine it as happening when it comes to doing things with my boys.  It's not their fault, but I just need to realize that this isn't a movie...or an after school special....this is real life.  And this is my real life.  And these are my boys, lord love a duck.  And I wouldn't change a thing.  Except maybe I'd have a nanny.  And be rich.  And have perky breasts.  But that's it.

Crazy Family

Things I love about my family......

1. We all are truly "there" for each other.
2. We all find the same things funny, even when they are non-funny (ex, teabagging, my moms inability to remember any birthdays, things my dad did when we were kids, Modern Family).
3. We genuinely want to hang out with one another.
4. We know each others darkest secrets and neurotic behaviours and use that information in appropriate ways.
5. If someone is hurting one of us, or treating one of us unfairly, we all feel the injustice and gain up together to talk smack about them, or debate the unfairness of it in very intelligent conversation.
6. We are very non-traditional....which leads me toooo......

MEXICAN EASTER!!!  So every year for Easter, we always go out to the lake and play bocce, horseshoes, drink beer, cook hot dogs over a fire and let the kids play in the dirt.  It's a great way to spend a traditional religious holiday, when you are neither traditional, nor religious.  Some years we have 40 people show up, some years it's 10 of us. But we try and go (weather permitting) every year.  This year was a bit of mash up and half my family couldn't make it out to the lake.  We also had an enormous hankering for nachos with the girls from work, so we decided nothing says "Happy Easter" like drunken Mexicans! And of course by drunken Mexicans, I mean us, getting drunk and eating Mexican food!!  So of course my parents were on board (remember why I love them?) and we organized a Fiesta!!  Gillian brought sombreros and stick on mustaches and nacho fixings (if Cheech and Chong taught us anything, it's you NEED a good mustache!), Mom brought tequila and limes and I brought tortillas and fajitas and other good things to eat ending in ahs.  We sat in the sun and drank amazing margaritas wearing our get ups...listening to Gypsy Kings on full blast and every once in a while someone would yell "AYE AY AY AY AYYYYEEEE!!" or bust out in a Mexican hat dance or samba inspired move.  Lots of laughs!  We sat around the table after moaning about how full we were, still wearing sombreros, but not mustaches because they are really hard to eat in!

And this is yet another reason why I love my family.  They would take part in an event like this without a blink of an eye and everyone would have a good time!

My Mom and Dad

My Husband and Mom

My Dad "Pedro"

Gill and Me....Ole!

Another Year Older

Annnnnnnnnnnd just like that.....i'm another year older.  This year though, involved alot of planning!!  The girls from work and I planned an entire day of birthday extravaganza!  It really had been a long time since I had a real birthday party, mostly because of my 294772 children.  So this year, we decided on a theme first off.  Originally, I wanted "Leather Lace and Latex" but then we thought that's basically LADY GAGA so that was our theme!  Then we decided we should get tattoos for my birthday as well, so we booked that.  THEN some friends were having their birthday party on the same day so we combined efforts!  Basically, my lovely day went like this....

-Woke up by 6:30am to crying baby
-Out the door for a run/walk by 7:30am
-Gals from work showed up with Subway lunch and a GAZILLION GIANT trays of homemade cinnamon buns!!!!  Keeping with the theme, they had sayings iced into them such as "don't be a drag, just be a queen!"
-Stuff our faces and all pile into Rhonda (the station wagon) and we're off!!!
-Tattoo shop and we sit and go over design etc with tattoo artist....I get to go first!
-Prep and tattoo.....AND OW HOLY CRAP DOES INNER BICEP TATTOOS HURT!!!!  MOTHER OF PEARL!!!!!!!!!!!!!
-Finish mine and watch G get hers!
-And we're off again!  Couple of pit stops along the way but we get back home where my mom is cooking a giant pan of chicken Mole.....YUUUMMMMMMM!!!!!  Her specialty!!
-Family all shows up, we squish around the table and DIG IN!!!  Also, we go through many, many bottles of wine!
-Birthday cake done and it's time to GET GAGA!  My mom does my makeup while the girls do theirs.  Yes.  Okay, they are talented, and I still need my mom.  I'm 32 for fuck sake.
-Time for costumes!!!!!!!!  I get dressed for the first time in my costume and all of a sudden it hits me....HOLY CRAP I'M NOT WEARING PANTS AND I'M GOING OUT OF THE HOUSE.  How does Lady Gaga do it all the time????  I'm feeling a bit awkward and naked wearing basically a PVC bodysuit, fishnet type stockings and PVC spike heel boots.  Annnnnd that's about all i'm wearing.  Naked right??
-Out we go to the other birthday party house!  Drink some more wine to help forget about my lack of pants, do some schmoooozing and we're off to dancey dance at the Element!
-DANCEY DANCE our butts off!  I still have the blisters to prove it!  Everyone has a good time and we stay till close, which is a miracle for us!  We're normally in bed by 10pm.
-Now here's the bad part of the night.  We try and phone a cab.  In Castlegar.  Basically, IMPOSSIBLE!  We have one cab in this town.  So we end up sitting outside the Element waiting for a cab for 1.5 hours.  Remember, I HAVE NO PANTS ON.  G is even worse off!  She has no pants, or shirt.  We freeze and are miserable.  What a way to end a good night!!
-Finally home and in bed by 4am.  Get to sleep and thankfully everyone sleeps in till almost 8am the next morning! 

I got off with a very minimal hang over!  Mostly just tired, but it was enough to remind me of why we don't do this anymore!  I've decided I can wear no pants and be okay with it, all though, it might not fly at work.  I also remembered what an amazing group of gals that I work with and hang with and I'm super lucky to have them as my friends!  I also have an amazing family (which I knew already!!) and this years birthday was a smashing success!!!

Text Messages (warning....bad language)

Okay so I know texting is the thing to do in this day.  And I honestly love it.  But I wonder....the things we feel comfortable texting people, would we EVER be comfortable saying to their face??  I've sent my share of ridiculous text messages....and some I'm sure were over board, so why is it okay to send these??  I was going through my phone and checking out my sent and received messages and thougtht I'd share a few.  Do you send/receive messages like these??  Or is it just me and my friends?

No names shared.....

"Yo mamma in law is cooking up da suppa yo"
"Wut dat ho makin?"

"Lobster?"
"I'd never say no to a lobster.  Well unless it was drunkenly prepositioning me.  Then I might pass."

"What's worse then finding a worm in your apple?"
"What?"
"The holocaust."


"Hey dick weed....what doing?"

"Hey, just wanted to ask you politely to change your underwear.  I'm pretty sure all the smell and smoke over here is coming off those badboyz"

"Do your pleated pants make it look like you've got a massive errection?"

"Merry fucking Christmas"

"The lesbians told me."
"Sluts!"

"Great thankssss"
"Ssssssyer welcomes."
"I was being a snake just now."

"On our way big mama"
"Are you calling me fat?"
"Nah, just wise as fuck"

"Fuck them"
"Seriously they are a bunch of slow child touchers."

"Let's shave our heads and be bullimic together.  Then we don't have to worry about holding each others hair back."
"shit yeah, i'm in."

"Oi can't delete the 'are you drunk?' comment on my iphone"
"Ha! Well you know how I like my cab sav first thing in the morning! I put it in my shreddies."

"Screw that...i'm getting some leather and channeling my inner gay man everyday."

"Your present is in the mail....a good cockstabbing ;)"

"Everyong is on a beach in Mexico today. Assholes"
"They are walking around naked, clicking and having sex like flooseys"

"I got my period last night.  YOU don't bug ME!"



Does everyone talk to each other this way??

The Scale

So....there's this thing I do.  It's almost OCD.  I have to do it once every morning and if I'm home, I'll do it after every meal.  I always do it when I get home from work and then again before bed.  I HAVE to step on the scale.  UGH!  Why????  The thing is.....it's not like I do anything different if I'm unhappy with what the number tells me.  It doesn't send me into bouts of starvation, or exercise.  It just makes me moody and crabby and depressed.  And usually we're talking like 1lb, or a few ounce difference from time to time.  All though, from morning to night, it could be upwards of 4lbs or so.  Then I just feel gross.  It's like an addiction.  And i've been off on holidays all week and have gained about 5lbs....which I know isn't alot and please don't say "oh you're fine!  you're tiny!" because I know i'm not big....but for that exact same reason, that i'm not a big person, 5lbs really makes a difference.  My pants are tight.  Especially in the crotch.  Like, my vagina is the first thing to get fat??  What's up with that??  But I have started running.  Well....training to run.  It's been exhilarating actually.  My legs hurt and I can hardly walk, but I love it.  I feel strong and fit and healthy.  And you know what?  I forgot to step on the scale this morning or before I went to work after my run!  I just felt good.  And I got dressed and showered and didn't even weigh myself.  Which is kind of making me freak out....that I have no number reference for this morning.  But maybe that's okay!  Maybe running in the mornings is always going to make me feel like that?  That'd be good actually!  And it's bound to slim down my vagina.

Me, my House and I

So I have this great house.  I love it.  It's old, but not too old.  Big, but not too big.  Updated, but not too updated.  The yard isn't so big that we have to spend money on a big ol'fancy ride em lawn mower and we have a pool!!  Except, I always kind of want to sell it.  I'm a bit of a buy/sell junkie.  We bought and sold houses before buying this one, and lived in them anywhere from 6 months to almost a year (at most). When we bought this place we told everyone "this is it! this is where we stay!" yet I know that I could very easily be convinced otherwise.  I mean, it's just a house! And I'd get to take everything inside of it with me when I move.  Except the pool....but I guess that's not really inside.  But wouldn't that be so rap star awesome if it was??? Anyways...my point is.....is it me?  Is it just not the right house?  Is it okay to put all our blood sweat and tears into this house (or any house), and not feel anything about just up and selling it?  Not that I wouldn't be sad....but I'd get over it.  Do I have some kind of crazy non-attachment issues???  Could I lose a kid and get over it?  Is this why I didn't love our dog (that we gave away because we literally disliked greatly)??  Hmm....IS it me??

I'm an asshole.

Yeah...so sometimes, I'm an asshole.  I don't know why....and it's usually to Barry, and he's ALWAYS nice.  ALWAYS.  Even when i'm an asshole.  Which makes it even worse.  So here's the deal....

Barry, playing outside with the kids while I get the food ready for the bbq we are having tonight.  Barry starts hauling wood out from under our wood pile and Kohen (the 5 year old) gets all fired up that we should have a fire outside!  Well, obviously outside.  But anyways....so Barry comes in asks if we should have a fire.  I'm all "when? cause I have all this supper stuff to get ready, and the girls are coming for 6 and I just don't think there's time." so then he tells Kohen "no fire." and Kohen cries.  Asshole moment #1.  SO then, i'm busy chopping up veggies and puttering around the kitchen and cue Asshole moment #2;

Barry - So no then?

Me - Well "I" am NOT going to sit around a fire right now.  I have all these veggies to cut up and I have to peel and cut up ALL the potatoes and get everything ready for supper.  Unless someone ELSE cooks supper, then "I" have to do it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Barry - *silence*

Me - ...........

Barry - I meant about Kohen having some chocolate milk.

Yup, asshole.

Blog Virgin

Ahhhhh, my first posting.......drawing a bit of a blank here.  Ummm....so, HI!  I guess I should start by introducing myself! My name is Shannon and i'm also known as The Bass Player's Daughter.  And yes, my dad does play bass, good to get that out of the way first off!  So I live in a city of about 15,000 people (if you include all the crazy little off shoots of town).  I live in a big old heritage house on the river.  The house is always in renovations and never will be done, soooooo......but the views are amazing and it has a pool, win win!  I also own a hair salon in town where I work full time and employ 4 other gals.  We're a young, crazy bunch, but our clients love us and we're always trying to stay current and with the trends!  We do a pretty good job of that!  My husband and I have 3 boys, ages 11, 5 and 18 months.  They all have very distinct personalities and keep us busy.  Well, life keeps us busy and we're always on the run!  I'll let you in on a little secret.......ready?  I'm always on the brink of going completely insane and possibly driving into a bus.  But sort of in a good way?  You know?  I think it's my red hair....or the fact that i'm an aries.....or that I live in a house with 4 boys, all who are disgusting boys (aren't all boys??).  I thought this blog would be a good way for me to express myself and get my feelings out, so I don't get stabby or grumpy (ha! fat chance!)....oh, and there's the baby...up from his nap!  So I'll try and update as much as I can!  WELCOME to my life!!